So I try not to bring it up here because I am such a baseball psycho and if I were to start, I fear the whole blog would be in quick order given over entirely to ball, but I actually watched on television the MLB All-Star Game and fell in to my old habit of taking notes during. I will bore you only with the page where I passed my Tipping Point — which is to say I enjoyed too much beer during commercials to do after a certain time anything other than yell at the ‘casters and any players who incurred my wrath through sloth, gluttony, or other Deadly Sins. The following is my 3rd page of notes, which occurred somewhere around the 5th-6th inning.
In case you need transcription of my dreadful scrawl which makes even the hastiest of doctors wrinkle their brows, it runs like this:
“Sprint Commercial EVO 4G ‘firsts’” (started strong showing great inventions through mankind’s history but then depressed me with how much fucking garbage the 20th century with its built in obsolescence and rapid shedding of outmoded technology has wrought upon the earth — fields of smashed crt televisions and busted hi-fi systems)
“Eyebrow guy — name?” to which I later appended “BRAUN” (dude is cute)
“hole in defense by 2nd, wtf?!?” (this in reference to balls getting past the AL infield and inexcusably eluding my boys, the normally slick-as-shinola Robinson Cano and you-may’ve-heard-of-him-No-Big-Deal Derek Jeter; clearly the only explanation is a gypsy curse.)
“David Wright is still g.d. adorable as hell” (hate the Mets —sorry Jon Stewart— but I love tiny-but-mighty Wright)
“does our radar gun go to 100?” “um — yes.” (conversation between idiotic commentators; of course the gun goes to 100 and up, you fucking idiot and as an aside, just because you are paid to comment does not obligate you to talk incessantly)
“The Things We Make Make Us, Jeep with robots really?!?” (this in reference to a particularly heinous Jeep commercial featuring assembly line robot arms that I think was intended to uplift the ingenuity of man and our sovereign genius or something but inadvertently took the opposite effect for me.)
He may be metal and small and not judge you at all but to me your robot friend is merely the harbinger of the Terminator apocalypse. You can’t fool This Guy!