Archive for November 20th, 2009

NSFW November: Monica Tidwell, Miss November 1973

November 20, 2009

Forgot that I’m going to run out of time and need to squeeze in some quadruple plays for the playmates lest we miss a Miss November. This one is super-special, so enjoy!

When the lovely and talented Monica Tidwell was born, the second issue of Playboy was fresh on the newsstands. This means that when she posed for the magazine in 1973 at age 19, she was the very first playmate to be younger than the magazine itself.


Photographed by Dwight Hooker and Bill Frantz.

This is a great spread. The photographers captured something very vulnerable and real in Ms. Tidwell (for my money the most beautiful Miss November yet), a sensitivity and gentle eroticism that lacks in many of the other shoots we’ve seen this month.

This is further carried through by the ambient lighting, the natural styling of her hair, and the focus on handmade, organically fashioned articles and materials like wood frames and wool blankets.

The whole shoot just has this really airy, sunlit, authentic, natural feel to it. It’s special.

Though she was discovered in Chicago (seems like they really had an active scouting scene there, doesn’t it? maybe because that’s where Hef is from? I guess one of these days I should look up the actual history of the magazine, huh), Ms. Tidwell was born in Shreveport, Louisiana and grew up in Georgia.

Like almost every other Southerner I have met or heard of, she had literary leanings when questioned about her ambitions. I don’t know what it is about the South that makes every person from there drip with this deeply poetic appreciation of nature and a playful love of language, but it seems to be a Thing.

I have met and loved so many great friendohs from the South, and they all have a beautiful, expressive outlook on life. (Dik and the LBC, I am looking at you two poetic ginger geniuses in particular!)


“One of my great ambitions in life is to write a novel as good as [Wolfe’s] Look Homeward, Angel. My second great ambition is to make a movie with Ken Russell and Oliver Reed.” (“Ubiquitous Miss,” Playboy, November 1973)

According to the wiki, that dream of making a movie with Ken Russell (visionary director of The Who’s Tommy) is half coming true.

Tidwell is currently the primary producer of the off-Broadway play Mind Game in New York City. Ken Russell will direct the play and Keith Carradine will star.


Hands down my favorite picture from this pictorial.

Good on her! An ethereal, Autumnal little beauty (I told you redheaded Miss Novembers are I’m pretty sure a Thing), she reminds me of Sissy Spacek or Bridget Fonda and Jodie Foster. All peaches and cream and spattery freckles with strawberry blonde hair, but then there is something rabbity and tough about them, like biting on tinfoil, something driven and hardscrabble, determined when it comes to their quiet goals. Sorry to project emotive qualities and wax poetic. I just love country girls.

Music Moment: The Song Remains the Same, The Donnas — “Drive My Car” edition

November 20, 2009

The Donnas – Drive My Car (Beatles cover)

All-girl rock band The Donnas covered the Beatles’ “Drive My Car” (McCartney, Lennon) for Razor and Tie’s 2005 tribute album This Bird Has Flown – A 40th Anniversary Tribute to the Beatles’ Rubber Soul.

In late 1999, I found their ragtag little POS website (oh, those halcyon early internet days of crummy block-text and midi’s on Angelfire and Tripod!). Intrigued that they were all the same age as me and hailed out of Palo Alto, I actually went ahead and bought the album The Donnas Get Skintight, my first over-the-internet music purchase. Some stupid fucker stole it out of my car in 2003, along with the original soundtrack to the Chita Rivera cast of Kiss of the Spiderwoman and Poe’s album Haunted, among several other albums in my little CD binder. I hope that dickhead is still enjoying them, but most likely he or she threw them away.


Oh, my god, they were BABIES! By extension, if they were all born when I was, then I was a baby too. Man. This brings back memories. I most definitely necked to this album.

I rebought Poe (actually am on my fourth copy now because I play it so much in my car while speeding over bumpy country roads and chainsmoking and screaming that it gets scratched up) and the musical, but, with the advent of mp3’s and suchlike, I have never felt the need to repurchase The Donnas. Sorry, girls! Hope this unpaid and unprovoked publicity makes up for my lackage!


Brett Anderson

Asked a girl what she wanted to be
She said baby, can’t you see
I wanna be famous, a star of the screen
But you can do something in between

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you


Allison Robertson

I told that girl that my prospects were good
she said baby, it’s understood
Working for peanuts is all very fine
But I can show you a better time

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you

Beep beep’m beep beep yeah


Maya Ford

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you

I told that girl I can start right away
When she said listen babe I got something to say
I got no car and it’s breaking my heart
But I’ve found a driver and that’s a start


Torry Castellano

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you

Beep beep’m beep beep yeah
Beep beep’m beep beep yeah
Beep beep’m beep beep yeah
Beep beep’m beep beep yeah

Yeah, so just in case you were wondering, that is what motherfuckin’ rock stars look like! Man, I need to go buy another one of their albums.

It happens

November 20, 2009

Whistling past the graveyard: it is a Thing.

Happens all the time.

PSA: It’s Friday; do what feels right!

NSFW November: Serria Tawan, Miss November 2002 inadvertently brings out the rabid ANTM commentator in me — whoops!

November 20, 2009

Playboy’s Miss November 2002 was actress and model Serria Tawan, seen here in the centerfold posed as a voyeur.

Photographed by Arny Freytag and Stephen Wayda

Note how the light glinting off of the leg of the telescope in the foreground points up a strong diagonal beginning from the bottom left of the composition, that is then intersected by a cross diagonal from the upper left created by her posture and her hand holding one of her braids: together they make an arrow which draws the eye to the undressing couple in the window of the building across the street, who are positioned just above and to the right of the focal attention point of her breasts, making it even more difficult to miss them as the final critical element of the photograph. As your eye moves from left to right, reading the composition, it tells a story: there is a girl. There is a telescope. The girl is using the telescope to look at the couple.

The centerfold was a really good composition. The rest is all over the damned place. Any type of theme with set dressing, poses, or costuming is almost totally absent. Maybe the raincoat is to hint at her being a flasher to boot? Not sure. But it doesn’t get picked back up again even though it’s a fun little kicky erotic detail. Missed opportunity in my book.

From her data sheet

WHEN I GET OLDER:
I want a harem of guys like Hef has women. I want them all diverse. Variety is the spice of life for me.

Get it, girl! I like this lady’s style. If you’re looking to join that harem, you can contact her via her profile on the myspace. In several places on that page, Serria directs you to a website, http://askserria.com, but it is not up and running yet, as far as I can tell.

While the braids are lovely, I like her even better in the above pic, with a gently relaxed weave. She looks younger and very soft and romantic. Even without the bangs, I think this look works better for her than the long braids, and it seems she agrees, as she is apparently rocking it on the reg these days (see below). The only trouble is that it makes her look a lot like phony-evil-queen-witch “ANTM” Cycle 9 winner Saleisha Stowers, who my sister-in-law, husband, and I all unilaterally despise.


Left: Serria Tawan. Right: Saleisha Stowers.

That girl and a competitor, Bianca Golden, were unbelievably cruel to standout contestant Heather Kuzmich of Valpariso, Indiana, who had Asperger’s Syndrome for crissake and still mopped the floor with their jealous asses until Go-Sees, which she only blew because she was not being properly aided. Yes, I have every detail of every cycle of the Tyra Banks reality show “America’s Next Top Model” memorized, and may the good god strike me dead if I ever stop loving the parade of tears, catfights, and girl-girl showers that comprise that gory but gorgeous grand guginol.

Anyway, Saleisha and Bianca were rude, catty, and sneaky about Heather, not to mention super-jealous and totally ignorant of the qualities that made her outshine them week after week, and their insecurities drove them to taunt her and talk about her behind her back like they were twelve and not on national fucking television. Because of that I will forever despise their fake sticky-sweet smiles. Although I was on the Bergie’s website a while ago — just window-shopping; like I could possibly afford something from their store right now — and I know for a fact I recognized Heather modelling some of the dresses in the pictures, so in their snotty, sabotaging, difference-hating faces: time has told, success-wise.

Wow, I think I might need to write some more about Top Model another day. It would appear I have Things to Say.

In other news, Kristy Swanson was on the cover of this one. I have never even seen one episode of the television series, so to me it is she who will always be Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even though vampires are lame, passe, and ridiculous as all hell, that movie is so great.

Movie Moment: Ghostbusters (1984) – Janine Melnitz edition

November 20, 2009

I think about Ghostbusters a lot. Maybe more than anyone should. But I find it uplifting and comfortable, like slipping in to bed at the end of a long day: it’s just right. I also used to use Ghostbusters as an age gauge: since I was able to see this in theaters — albeit pretty young — then if you were not born when Ghostbusters came out, the cultural divide between us was insurmountable and it would be creepy to date you. For the record, I’ve lifted that. I’m well up to Mannequin (1987) now. Call me!

Anyway, Annie Potts portrayed Miz Janine Melnitz, the Ghostbusters’ secretary, and here is some of that.


Type something, will you? We’re paying for this stuff. And don’t stare at me, you got those bug-eyes.

[pause]

Janine? Sorry about the bug-eyes thing. I’ll be in my office.

Cue Brian Setzer and the Stray Cats. I have this soundtrack on LP and I’m not ashamed.

Advice: NSFW Sophia Loren schooling on true sexy glamour edition

November 20, 2009


I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips.


A woman’s dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

Hey, models and movie starlets of today! Want to be a timeless, beautiful, glamorous international sex symbol like the world-famously gorgeous Sophia? Ms. Loren sez: eat something. If you are confused about how to eat and need help getting started, she even has cookbooks to help you along.

Final thoughts on eating and sexiness from Sophia:

Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.

and

Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.

Do it for the curves, ladies. Feel free to keep me posted on your progress!

NSFW November: Monique St. Pierre, Miss November 1978

November 20, 2009

The lovely and talented Monique St. Pierre began her Playboy career as Miss November 1978, but she has gone on to achieve much greater positions within the company.


Photographed by Richard Fegley

A clear case of the carpet not matching the drapes, which for my money is just plain false advertising, but the woman has a very interesting background and is a skilled businessperson so I’m not going to throw too many stones.


My individuality is very important to me. I cannot stand to be dominated and I cannot stand being mediocre at what I’m doing.” Right now, she’s working on being the best model she can be, and she’s studying to be the best actress she can be. “I’ve been studying acting here in Denver, and I love it. I’ve signed with Willhelmina in New York and I’ll be moving there soon. I’m going to find the best New York acting instuctor I can and devote myself to the art until I know I have the ability to take a major role in a play or a movie.” (“Unique Monique,” Playboy, November 1978)

The Wiesbaden, Germany-born Ms. St. Pierre was indeedy represented by Wilhelmina Models at the time of her interview for her appearance as Miss November, but they shitcanned her after this issue went to print. I am surprised by that, given the number of playmates who Wilhelmina has represented before, during, and after Playboy shoots — Stephanie Adams (Miss November 1992), e.g. — so whatever. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Monique came back to Playboy and took a job with the Playboy Channel, which at the time was just starting out. Besides being an executive, she also worked as crew on many of her projects, continued to model and appear in Playboy videos, etc, –even some cameos on “The Girls Next Door”– and, in addition to doing the money-side of production, she also enjoys costume-designing.


One source of Monique’s admirable confidence is hypnosis. “My life last year was moving more quickly than I could handle. I desperately wanted to relax. By coincidence, I met a hypnotherapist, who put me under, then suggested that I wake up feeling calm and refreshed. I stayed under for three hours, just loving the feeling. Then when he brought me out, I felt great. He hypnotized me out of a cold once; just made my fever vanish.”


We wondered if a strong-willed person like herself wasn’t afraid to submit to hypnosis. “Not at all. You really won’t do anything you don’t want to do. As an experiment, the hypnotist suggested I meet him in his hotel room at a certain time. Of course, I didn’t show up.”

Um, I do not claim to be an expert judge of character, but I’m not sure that a hypnotist who suggests “as an experiment” that you meet him in a hotel room is someone you should see again. Just sayin’.

A rare instance of the centerfold being the cover model as well; I can tell from those 70’s-rific suede boots Monique is wearing that the cover photo’s from the same set of shots as the ones in the pictorial. Also, dig the story at the bottom left: “Who Killed Jimmy Hoffa and Why,” with an exclamation point instead of a question mark. Like the top minds at Playboy had solved the mystery and the Feds could now rest easy. Awesome.

Daily Batman: Showdown — Monica Bellucci as Catwoman by Ellen Von Unwerth vs. Topless Claudia Schiffer Catwoman by Mario Testino

November 20, 2009

Wow, guys. Monica Bellucci and my fave photographer, Ellen Von Unwerth, are seriously giving the topless Claudia Schiffer Catwoman by Mario Testino of several days’ ago a real run for its money for the internet’s Best [Batman] Picture Ever contest.

Monica Bellucci, photographed in Catwoman mask and leather bodysuit by the stellar and magnificent Ellen Von Unwerth for “Bella Bellucci,” a feature in Vogue España, June 2006.

While Monica’s cleavage is always impressive and, of course, her face is basically the most beautiful on Earth, I’m still giving the advantage to the Mario-Claudia collaboration for toplessness. Better luck next time, Team Monica-EVU!

NSFW November: Dianne Danford, Miss November 1961

November 20, 2009

We’ll kick off today with Miss November 1961, the lovely and talented Dianne Danford. She was discovered and asked to pose for Playboy while shooting skeet at a range in Los Angeles (“Venus with Arms,” Playboy, November 1961).


Photographed by Mario Casilli

Dianne — a 23-year-old, emerald-eyed, honey-tressed, fresh-visaged fair belle to arms — gets herself to a gunnery for sweet sessions of not-so-silent skeet shooting whenever she can break away from her workaday chores modeling the latest in bathing regalia, for which her 5’7″, 120-lb. frame is perfectly suited. Living with her mother, father and brother close by Hollywood’s celluloid dream factories, Dianne presents a pretty paradox — she couldn’t care less about getting her face and form before a movie camera.

That bit about not desiring to appear before a movie camera may have been true at the time of this shoot, but in fact Dianne did end up with a movie credit under her belt. She appeared as Connie in 1966’s Weekend of Fear. The movie was written, directed, and produced by a Mr. Joe Danford (a connection, maybe?).

Good grief, he was also the editor. Did he do sets and gripping, too? Cook and serve the food at the craft table? Master of the wardrobe? Gaffer? Now I’m just being cruel. Gaffers aren’t people. Anyway, the movie is the sole credit for both Danfords.

According to Sandra Brennan of allmovie.com, the picture’s plot runs like this:

In this horror movie, an insane widow desires a young lover and decides to steal him away from his own lover by employing a crazed deaf-mute to frighten her away. The fellow does too good a job and the girl dies.

Of course. Happens all the time.

While she does state in her data sheet that her ambition in life is “to be happy,” no Irish need apply: Ms. Danford lists among her turnoffs “being poor.”

Sick left-field burn on my own heritage!

Today is a triple-playmate-play day, so stay tuned for mas y mas Miss Novembers. My gift to you. Think nothing of it!