Psyched beyond belief

Oh, my gosh — next Saturday. The date is set! Kidlet and I will be going to meet, for the first time in her little memory, with her father and his wife and their baby son. To say I am excited is to understate it: I know it is probably abnormal for a situation like this, but I am never one to be in the “in” crowd. I have literally longed for this day. I know it is more popular to be bitter or hard-hearted, but I thought and prayed on it for so long that I finally came to realize, “to what good end, sadness? only good will come of this, only the best things will come of this.”

And I am so pleased and pumped that he is doing so well in life, and that my daughter gets to newly encounter him at such a happy juncture for him, and it seems to me it must in large part be attributed not only to the opening of his own heart, but to, I can only conjecture and gladly so, that opening’s impetus: his awesome wife. She actually emailed me today, incredibly thoughtfully, inquiring after my daughter to see how she was handling these new upcoming changes. I was bowled over by that level of grace and thoughtfulness: it is what I told people I expected of her, having an incredibly high respect for her as an artist and as a faithful person of a true heart, but it was still so wonderful to experience it in person. I have mentioned before that she is a very successful musician in our area, and, I think, soon to be nationally. I can’t believe our children will be playing together in just seven short days. I truly look forward to this meeting. This is my daughter’s brother. That is amazing!

I am so proud of him, her father, for having the courage to make a change, and for deserving and committing to such a worthy, good woman. And I am so delighted that she and I will share this beautiful connection of our children being siblings. It’s honestly beyond anything I could ever have hoped or predicted just five years ago, when kidlet’s father and I essentially said what we probably naively and immaturely imagined to be our goodbyes. Of course, life went on, and of course, as both of us are honest and loving and decent people, if a little damaged each, that perceived goodbye could not stand and has not stood as any sort of final word, not with our dear kidlet’s sweetness in the balance. How could I keep him from that, from my end, and, from his side, why would he want to be away, and what sort of self-centered monster would begrudge him the desire for this reconciliation? I have known and expected this for a while now, since my own changes began, and it is better as it stands than I could have hoped. This is such an excellent coda, such a promising new beginning, that I can barely contain my gratefulness and happiness.

It’s everything I would have ever hoped and more. Such an auspicious and God-granted beautiful way to begin this New Year and new decade. And I also hope soon to feature kidlet’s brother’s mother, the wonderful woman I keep speaking so highly of, as a Music Moment, a special edition where I will actually get to interview the artist! — and one of her band members, I hope, too, my own little one’s father! — but only with her permission, and I will wait respectfully to broach that topic. This little journal is nothing compared to the success that awaits them. I am so excited for my kidlet, who loves music so well and has such a natural inclination toward it, to have already the luck and joy of being in their lives as they continue to develop their talent and, justly soon, I imagine, musical reknown. They bought her a toy guitar already, one which I examined after she asked for it and decided I sadly could not afford: amazing that she gets to have it through their generosity, I know that to her mind it was the one thing missing from a complete Christmas season. We are already talking about lessons and a real guitar to follow if that instrument is her interest. This is truly so incredible.

All I know is that I cannot wait til next weekend. It is a great new chapter of good fortune for me and for my daughter, and all I can do is give thanks.

A year ago I would have frozen in shock if someone told me that next week I would be meeting with my daughter’s father, his wife, and their newborn, but I have served my time for so long and prayed so well out my worries, and I am a wholly new person now. And all I am is purely thrilled. I look forward to this meeting with all my heart.

(all pictures from Lurve #2, Jennifer Pugh by Stacey Mark. “Halo,” Lurve #2, A/W 2009, via fashiongonerogue.)

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2 Responses to “Psyched beyond belief”

  1. The Tao of Pig Pen Says:

    This is exciting and uplifting. Great read on a Sunday Morning

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