Showdown!: Shirtless with black bra edition

“I would love to have Monica Bellucci’s figure, but I’m never going to get it. I’m naturally who I am.”

(Keira Knightley, May 21, 2007 on British television.)

Oh, the hell you’re that naturally thin. This is not sour grapes, this is me saying I have naturally slender friends (Cinder, Paolo, Corinnette) that you make look gluttonous by comparison.

I think Keira Knightley is very beautiful and I like that she dislikes paparazzi and publicity shenanigans, but I do not like that I can see all the knobs of her spine and she hasn’t got the sense to stop shopping around the tired genetic excuse which could never possibly account for the degree of boniness to which she has descended in the last decade. I like tone and I like cheekbones, but when chicks get that kind of Predator protusiveness to their clavichles and elbows, I get this skeevy, recoiling feeling.


I can’t even look at animal bones. Ask my family about the Thanksgiving that I walked in to help clean the kitchen and my aunt hadn’t wrapped the remainder of the carcass in foil yet. I literally fainted. I could never be a battlefield nurse nor a professional taxidermist (as opposed to your hobby-taxidermy). Haven’t got the stomach.

Photograph by Lauren Greenfield for her Thin showing. Yes, it’s the same girl, only in her second picture she looks pretty.

So when I say protrusive bones skeeve me out, I’m not jumping on a thin-girls-are-anorexic bandwagon where the in-flight movie is Envy and we are all served with tall glasses of haterade by morbidly obese stewardesses selected specifically to make us feel good in comparison because we’re sick enough to mentally pit ourselves against other women. I’m serious. Bones like that freak me out and upset me and make me think of the Holocaust which then makes me want to cry until I vomit.

So for the love of God, Keira Knightley, if I have to see you in another goddamned Pirates of the Caribbean movie which all United States citizens are required by law to attend or face public headshaving, would you please eat spaghetti before stepping in front of the camera?? Thank you.

Anyway, here they are again. Showdown!: Shirtless with black bra edition — whose body rocks the party?

Top: Keira Knightley; Bottom: Monica Bellucci.

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6 Responses to “Showdown!: Shirtless with black bra edition”

  1. VoR Says:

    Keira Knightley has been the same size since her earliest roles (see Bend it Like Beckham which was shot when she was 16).
    It clearly and obviously is her natural shape – whether you like it or not. So get off your high horse and accept that people come in all shapes and sizes. You don’t have to find all of them equally attractive, but you do – if you want to be a decent human being – have to accept the fact and not condemn people for being who they naturally are.

  2. Jeanne Says:

    Fuck you! I’m the same size as Keira (breast, waist, etc.) I eat more food than my whole family eats. I have two to three servings of dinner everyday and I honestly cannot gain ant weight or fat. Keira is beautiful, especially because she accepts her body; whereas, I’m extremely insecure that I’m obsessing over my small breasts. You’re obviously not perfect.. You’re probably ugly (you definitely are on the inside) which is why you talk trash about other people. Get a life.

  3. None ya Says:

    Oh god whoever made this article you clearly have nothing better to do with your life Keira knightly is beautiful there’s a lot of naturally beautiful petite women out there in this world most of all these celebs get faked up with surgeries and breast implants it’s sickening facts proven Keira is one of the most beautiful women In this world.

    • None ya Says:

      Girls who are skinny enjoy it! You can eat whatever the hell you want and not worry about being fat always being in shape and look great!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    you just are just trying to make yourselves feel better and there is no need. both shapes are beautiful and large v small breasts have there pros and cons. it’s all subjective but for me, monica belucci is drop dead gorgeous and to me, everything i’d want to look like as a woman.

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