Anaïs Nin November: Nothing left to do

“Scream,” by windkittyhana on the deviantart.

Human beings can reach such desperate solitude that they may cross a boundary beyond which words cannot serve, and at such moments there is nothing left for them but to bark.

(Collages. 1964. p. 116.)

I am only alone if I am in the bath or driving. So the shower is where I generally get my barking out. I made an ocean in the pipes while I was pregnant, a terrible time for me because of the earth-destroying fights I would have with her father, and again when I left my husband, horrible silent sobs of shock and regret that would make me vomit. I have written before that I dislike crying or admitting to feeling feelings. But in the last few years, since this journal started, really, I’ve grown better at admitting to crying. I even sometimes let a few public tears go, if the occasion is momentuous enough that I forget myself, and I have oil on hand to keep my robot face from rusting.

All this context is by way of avoiding the content of this quote. I think I’ve sufficiently lambasted myself for one day (see below).

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One Response to “Anaïs Nin November: Nothing left to do”

  1. mickey Says:

    hope stuff is better in E. world… and i’m glad your readers make you happy… and it’s cool to both cry and to not become over-occupied with the emotional moment… i mean, i guess, the darker, more negative ones… i’m all for letting yourself go during the good ones– i mean, no troubles, no problems or any kind of crisis to deal with, then shit, let fly… it’s good to stay c.c.c. when stuff’s on the line… but, it is also important to be able to let that stuff go when the time is right… the good, the bad, they both gotta pour out of us… i don’t know that you’re down, you came roaring back with all that new love news… i hope that you are doing well and that E. is in a good place… your x-hubby talk is sad to hear, but E. is frickin’ strong… i hope you are both good parents to your daughter… i’m sure E. is… keep on truckin’, man…

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