Posts Tagged ‘1993’

NSFW November: Miss November 1993, Julianna Young

November 23, 2009

Okay, the possibility of that last girl being so drastically underaged in my opinion skeeved me out bad. So I looked for my oldest Miss November and here she is, a Kentucky girl who was living in Florida at the time of her appearance in Playboy.

No photo credit that I can find so far.

When the lovely and talented Julianna Young appeared for Playboy as Miss November in 1993, she was 33, tying Miss April 1985, Cindy Brooks, as the oldest Playmate to pose for a centerfold up until that time (please note that Playmates of the Month are different from the bunnies, the models featured on the cover, the girls in the tearsheets, and whatever actress or model is in the celebrity spreads who appear in any particular issue of the magazine).

For the record, they were both beaten out for the all-time most vine-ripened Playmate title when Rebecca Ramos posed at 35 in the January 2003 issue — and Tia Carrere (Wayne’s World, Jury Duty), 36 at the time, was the celebrity model in that issue, no less. Nice hustle on the dirty thirties, dudes! Chronologically enhanced ladies need love, too. But please be aware, that is the only thing Ms. Young says is enhanced about her.

Sorry, again, I do not know even at all who took the pictures for this spread. But 38 DD, to answer the other question.

“My large breasts are actually a blessing. They’ll get me through the door, and my brains can keep me there.”

I am too liberal-minded to have any, nor is it my place to preach.

The hour and a half I spent watching the movie Free Willy. Also, seeing the devastation from Hurricane Andrew.

I come from south Florida, a sunny place for shady characters.

That’s a great line. I mock Floridians all the time. I like to pretend it’s like a crazy colony for convicts, but I’m only kidding. It’s not like it’s as bad as Australia or anything. (left-field sick burn comin’ atcha, Oz!) Girl, you’re okay.

The Brazilian triplets cover story is thought-provoking, jes? I may go investigate that.

Advice: How to win friends and avoid being burnt at the stake

October 29, 2009

1993’s Hocus Pocus: pretty much the only thing in which I have ever seen Sarah Jessica Parker and actually found her to be attractive.

I have never seen Sex and the City. Not even one episode. As near as I can tell it doesn’t star her so much as her remains. Have some cheesecake, Skippy.

Anyway, back in 1993 she still had a little something going on in the upper decks, and she brought a kind of abandoned, childlike sylph-style ebullience to this role that was a surprisingly genuine and fresh take on such a stock role, and could have been played vampy and bimbo-tatstic in other hands.

Plus, you slap a blonde wig and some red lipstick on almost anybody and they are automatically going to be looking pretty good and I’m going to warm to them; I cite Bugs Bunny as evidence. I already liked him for that busted grill, so I was all about Lady Bugs.

I like Sarah Jessica Parker lookswise in this movie for all her blondeness, slightly immodest bosomness, and for-once-not-coated-in-makeup sharp-witch-chin-moledness. (I do like flaws!)

We tried to rent this last night down at Paolo and Miss D’s, but the ondemand was having none of it. Total folklore to pay for a movie that old and often-watched. Screw ABCFamily! We rented Monster House instead. In your face, Disney Corp.

Winifred Sanderson: Don’t get your knickers in a twist! We’re just three kindly old spinster ladies.
Mary Sanderson: Spending a quiet evening at home.
Sarah: Sucking the lives out of little children!

But I’ve been thinking about it since we considered renting it, and I drew some conclusions about the characters of the witches and what fears they represented; like what were their real crimes (I mean, other than being honest-to-god witches who were morally in bed with Satan).

It seemed to me that each witch had a central character trait around which the rest of her personality was constructed, and the actresses played those up in their performances. These traits were the unpardonable sins. The ones that got them burnt at the stake with no voice to defend them. So here’s a little list, from me to you. You’re welcome. Think nothing of it!

Things that’ll get your burnt at the stake in a rural Puritan village at the turn of the eighteenth century:

  • Being too smart. Very threatening. Don’t be calculating and gathering power to yourself when there are crops to bring in. People ain’t got time for your political and intellectual shit: they are trying to survive. You leave the power balance alone.
  • Being a bit of a “slow coach.” You make people uncomfortable, and Martin Luther advocated euthanizing you. You’re a danger to the entire community because you’re an unknown factor, and you’re lucky you’re even alive. Now go gnaw a chicken bone in the corner, inbred.
  • Being a bubbly, nymphomaniacal boy-stealer with nice boobs. That’s gonna get you burnt at the stake in any century, Cupcake.

    Good luck out there!