Liberated Negative Space o’ the Day: A plug for Catholicism

60% of the time, it works 100% of the time.

Pick me up: Movie Moment, Anchorman

Besides the soul-abiding sense of rightness that I derive from my attempts at seeing the grace and truth in all things in the universe and my positive affirmations and all my other crazy-go-nuts, tree-hugging-hippie bunk, another thing that never fails to make me feel better when I’m blue is a couple of beers and some Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

Ron: Unique New York. Unique New York.
The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.
I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch.
The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.

Brian: I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is ‘Yes, I have a nickname for my penis.’ It’s called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

Ron: I friggin’ love you!
Veronica: I friggin’ love you back!
Ron: Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!
Veronica: Oh, do me on it!

Brick: There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron: I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You may want to find yourself a safe house or a relative close by; lay low for a while? Because you’re probably wanted for murder.

It’s like, no matter what’s going on in my life, I should maybe just accept that it will eventually be over, whether it’s a difficult test, a faltering interview, or a drawn-out discussion of divorce and its backstory; and, when it’s over, there will be a later point from which I am remembering it as I crack a beer and set up the Anchorman DVD. That’s eternal — Anchorman is consistent and omnipresent, the afterpoint of 1,000 sorrows which will always be in flux, but Anchorman will never change, no matter how many times I watch it and feel uplifted. So what is the lesson here? Maybe this. Troubles are temporary, they are almost impossible to sustain, but the good stuff lasts. I like that way of looking at it. So much better, am I right? I’m off to make like everything is super-great and normal and a-okay. You stay classy, The Internet!