Posts Tagged ‘cooking’

Microwaves and I do not understand each other

November 8, 2010


“Field-side Microwave” by say.today on the flickr.

Okay, right out of the gate I need to say that I’m one of those ignorant paranoiac luddites who’s still not totally convinced that microwaves are safe. So I am biased against them to begin with. (Please do not explain the science of their safety to me because I am unreasonable and stubborn and it would waste both our time for you to patiently demonstrate how they will not make us sterile or slowly irradiate our children.) I also prefer to make food in the oven because it comes out better. Anyone who has microwaved fries instead of sticking them under the broiler knows where I’m coming from.

I use the microwave for two things: popping corn and heating tea. The popcorn because it is a light snack that I do not have to slave over a pot and nervously try to capture it before it is flung all over the stovetop, and the tea because my beautiful teapot is in Portland.The microwave in the kitchen here has a “popcorn” button with which I’ve been experimenting with fairly good results. It also has a bunch of other preset buttons which I can never see myself using, such as for thawing meat, which the microwave is the last place I would be willing to do that.


“Late Night Snack” by Danielle de Leon on the flickr.

As I was heating tea around five minutes ago, I observed that, of course, there was no make-a-beverage-hot-but-not-scalding-setting. I made a “pfft!” noise as I watched the cup slowly spin from a safe distance, and I thought with disdain that any microwave which has automatic settings for all this other happy crap but no button for tea clearly knows nothing about me.

Then I thought, Why do I want the microwave to know things about me?


“Granddad’s Microwave” via funkjunkie on the tumblr.

The situation could be worse. When we moved Paolo and Miss D in to their present C-town domicile, the kitchen came complete with a vintage microwave that had a stunning array of preset suggestions. They started reasonably enough — settings for thawing meat and defrosting vegetables, then moving in to common entrees — but quickly progressed to some really obscure menu suggestions. The most shocking and thought-provoking one for me was, I shit you not, swordfish l’orange.


The saddest cookbook you’ll ever see.

Swordfish l’orange: wow. Like, first of all, I would have never thought to prepare swordfish in that fashion — I’ve never prepared swordfish at all, actually, but I feel that l’orange would not be my “go-to” style — but more importantly, if someone, somewhere, actually took a notion to cook the dish in the first place, why would you do it in the microwave? On what planet is swordfish l’orange so in demand as a dish that you whip it up in the microwave like it is a freaking Lean Pocket? It truly boggled my mind.

My Aunt Harriet had a microwave in the eighties which talked and her magnificent neighbor’s no-good son who is dead now totally stole it one morning, but all of that’s a story for a different day. I got quite a few microwave stories, and they’re all pretty good. One involves both toplessness and fire (I live dangerously). I’m not sure if I have enough anecdotes to make it a regular feature, but I’ll think about it.

Dinner at Eight! —

August 13, 2010


Mmm!

— Except actually at four or so. Getting things pulled together to pick up kidlet and then together the two of us have scheduled a much-needed munch, movies, and catch-up session with my Sarah-fina and favorite Baby Ginger. Especially look forward to discussing impressions of the school at which I wish to teach, which she has just left.


Mainline it?

My job is assembling materials for bruschetta and dessert while S-f prepares the main course. Thinking chocolate-hazelnut ravioli a la Giada but not so hyper-prepared and a bit healthier (not deep fried.) We can never go wrong with Nutella as our co-pilot, yes? Salute! Have an awesome Friday night and I will catch you on the flip!

It happens: Tina Fey edition

October 27, 2009

Beer. It is a thing!

“In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say “scientists”? I meant “Irish people.””

That’s a Hangover Sunday look if I ever saw one. Friendohs know of what I speak.

Hangover Sunday (n.): usually the morning after Saturday night Band Practice and adult libations, when one shuffles about in the double digits of the a.m. with vacant-zombie-eyes and puffy faces until Paolo gets on the skillet and fries up some resurrection.

Music Moment: Amanda Palmer, Surprisingly More Thought-Provoking Than I Suspected

September 29, 2009

Well, dang, Amanda Palmer, I did not expect this entry to turn out like this when I began writing. I always thought you rated as talented and fun, but not always for me, but once I had to start pondering you, I began to wonder if it might be that you hit a little too close to home? So thanks?

Amanda Palmer – Runs in the Family

“With me, well, I’m well,
well, I mean, I’m in hell,
well, I still have my health,
at least that’s what they tell me.
If wellness is this,
what in hell’s name is sickness,
but business is business
and business runs in the family…”

Here is a link to the official video for this really excellent track from her LP Who Killed Amanda Palmer, available through Roadrunner Records and produced by Ben Folds (also the album art is by Neil Gaiman … because they are dating, which I cannot comprehend). I’m not crazy about the video, so I’m not embedding it here. I think her showy, fitful histrionics kind of rob the song of its natural jumpiness and make it almost less nerve-wracking.

Amanda began her career with the Dresden Dolls, about whom the wiki has this nugget to say which for me says it all:

The two describe their style as “Brechtian punk cabaret”, a phrase invented by Palmer because she was “terrified” that the press would invent a name that “would involve the word gothic.” The Dresden Dolls are part of an underground dark cabaret movement that started gaining momentum in the early 1990s.


Brecht, punk, cabaret — I find these to be overused words, I stigmatize them because they drip with deliberate intellect, I kind of sneer at them, okay? However, that’s hypocritical as hell because I used terms like “dark cabaret” yesterday in describing Annie. Or is it? I don’t know because the Dresden Dolls never struck the right notes for me personally. I found them too … pat in their spin, in their self-styling. I should have loved them, being a fan of weirdness and steampunk and tinkly music and frankly some also pretty dark shit, you know, wink wink SEXWISE, is what I mean! …

I realized these Music Moment posts tend to run really long because I like music way too much, and can’t bear to only give you half the story on someone I think is really special, so click here to keep reading about Amanda Palmer and my queer little problems with her. Continue reading, hear more music, and see a thought-provoking video, help me figure out what is going on in my addled mind!

It happens: “Sometimes” 2nd Ed. feat. J-Mys and Señor R Toy Story

September 22, 2009

It happens: Sometimes… we like our toys better than boys.


Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, I am totally not talking about cooking stuff, I am really talking about vibrators. Sooo subtle, me. I’ve actually never used one. Just not much of a prop guy when it comes to alone time, I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard good things! It’s just never been a thing I pursued, personally, despite being an essentially playful kind of a gal.

But my pals and I have this old friendoh who I have not seen in awhile, the lovely miss J-Mys, who had one of the best toy stories ever.

Okay, so once, during intercourse —by which I mean Doing It, to be clear— with her boyfriend at the time, Señor R, J-Mys was in the traditional receiving position and Señor R put his hand under the pillow to draw her closer, why we can only speculate but I have always assumed for smooches, and he not only inadvertently grabbed her vibrator from where she had hastily stashed it beneath the pillow the night before, but accidentally turned it on. Yeah. I love that story.

I need to call her, it’s been an awfully long time and life is too short to let the good of bygone things fall away without a fight, isn’t it… Anyway, that’s my sex toy story about J-Mys and Señor R. Hope that brightened your day!

I’m having kind of a shit week and it’s only Tuesday, so brighten my day right back with some Sexytimes Mishap anecdotes of your own, if you got ’em!