12 Days of Highly Tolerable Holiday Movies: Edward Scissorhands

Edward Scissorhands (Tim Burton, 1990).

An uncommonly gentle young man, who happens to have scissors for hands, falls in love with a beautiful teenage girl.

(the imdb)

I showed this film to Patrico and Katohs when they were kiddos, and as soon as the interior shots of the castle began, Special K jumped up and said, “It’s the doctor’s house from Nightmare Before Christmas!” I’ve never sat with the movies side by side, but I think it’s true. I think Burton modeled the doctor’s laboratory-castle in Nightmare Before Christmas after the set from the Inventor’s house in Edward Scissorhands, probably as an in-joke/reference to Vincent Price.

But if you had regular hands you’d be like everyone else.

Yes, I know.

… But then no one would think you were special. You wouldn’t be on, on TV or anything.

No matter what, Edward will always be special.

Vincent Price, for whom the part was specifically created, was originally intended to have a larger role in this film, but his health was failing due to emphysema and Parkinsons’ Disease. He died October 25, 1993, of lung cancer.

Avon calling!

Johnny Depp had his “Winona Forever” tattoo altered to say “Wino Forever.” Love and booze make the world go ’round.

I tried to make Jim go back, but, you can’t make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them that we —

You’re welcome.

It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was.

I knew it was Jim’s house.

Y–you did?

Yes.

But — then, why’d you do it?

Because you asked me to.

Well, Edward, did you have a productive day?

Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon’s going to be. … And then she showed me the back room where she took off all of her clothes.

This is an actual neighborhood in Lutz, Florida. It is a community called Carpenter’s Run. The street on which the Boggses live is Tinsmith Circle.

Tim Burton originally wanted to make Edward Scissorhands a musical. He said it felt like a “big, operatic” story to him. While it has not been revisioned as a musical, the film has been adapted as a ballet.

This scene could have been between Drew Barrymore and Tom Cruise. Both were in discussion for portraying the lead roles. Other Edward would-bes included William Hurt, Tom Hanks, and Robert Downey, Jr. I know it’s infantile because Hollywood is a business, and business is business, but that blows my mind. I cannot picture anyone else in the parts.

Edward Scissorhands is a tale of misunderstood gentleness and stifled creativity, of civilization’s power to corrupt innocence, of a heedless beauty and a kindhearted beast.

(The New York Times)

There is a lot of dust in here right now.

Flashback Friday — Advice on friendship, feminine power, and finding your tribe: NSFW Drew Barrymore

This post originally appeared on on November 14, 2009 at 3:15 pm.

“I also love to explore what defines who you are, and friendship, and how you love to rock out with your best friend and cruise and drive and listen to the Ramones and play air guitar, and yet at the same time, they will come and slap you when you’re acting out of line. I love the themes that I put on the poster: ‘Be your own hero’ and ‘Find your tribe.’ Those are two things that are really important in my life.”

(interview with the AV Club’s Sam Adams, October 1, 2009, for Whip It)

“I love empowering women, and I love women that are capable. The one thing that I’m not crazy about are women that feel like they have to be a man to live in a man’s world, or that men have the upper hand. These women have this bitter chip on their shoulder, and that’s not really sexy. I like girls who have got each other’s backs. …

… I don’t like cattiness, either. I hate seeing women be rude to each other. Oh God. I don’t like man-haters, and I don’t like back-stabbers. I like chicks who can fuckin’ rip it up, pull shit off, and want to go for a beer with each other at the end of the day!”

(“Whip It! interview with director Drew Barrymore,” Chris de Salvo, The Scorecard Review, September 30, 2009).

edit: When I posted this the first time, I had not yet seen Whip It. I watched it a couple months ago with Lo-Bo and Miss D and I thought it was great. From a critical standpoint, sure, I’m not stacking it up against Once Upon A Time In the West or The Godather: Part II, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t qualify as “great” in my book. You’re definitely not going to see some special release of it in the Criterion Collection, all fancy with laurel leaves around the names of the writers or anything, but it’s a fun flick whose cast is piled high with my favorite kind of women: flaky, unique, and funny.

It’s got a great noisy riot grrl soundtrack, too. I work out to a lot of songs from it. That’s right, she writes and she takes care of a bangin’ body. Call me.

Giving the people what they want, 3rd edition — and a special shout-out to a lonely heart

Giving the people what they want: in which I glance over my blog stats, spot the trends in what brings you party people of the internet sliding on down to my place, and accordingly and with mutual thanks throw you some bone(r?)s.

Farewell and adieu to you fair Irish ladies.

First, a shocker. With mixed emotions I must report that the rack of Miss Megan Mullally is no longer the sheriff of Googlesearchy Town.* The first two editions (1, 2) of “Giving the people what they want” were dominated by amused-but-puzzled nods to the bafflingly large number of searches for the diminuitive Will and Grace star’s cleavage which lead droves of folks to my door. Megan held her own, beating out for many months running distant contenders such as “Drew Barrymore naked,” and “lesbian kiss,” which I would have thought any such phrases would easily eclipse “Megan Mullally’s breasts,” her “boobs,” her “topless” and variations therein and they never did. Until now.

*(By Googlesearchy Town I mean the searches that people enter in google to land on this journal — wordpress keeps track and ranks the most popular for me)

Top searching honors now rest in the tiny but mighty vintage hands of busty, bespectacled aspiring astrologer, the lovely and talented Fran Gerard — Playboy’s Miss March 1967, the self-help loving little looker whose cups runneth over.

The lovely and etc Ms. Gerard. For Science.

With 5,909 searches since her relatively recent appearance on the journal in March, Ms. Gerard beats out Megan at 2,503 since her inaugural boob-airing last September. Well-played, Ms. Gerard!

Sweet, lovely and talented heiress to generations of hot Italian culinary genius, Amber Campisi.

Rising Star Awards must go to three special up and comers. First, the talented family gal Amber Campisi (Miss February 2005); next, beautiful and tragic playmate and poet Marlene Morrow, aka Persephone (Miss April 1974) — whose gripping story has justly been getting attention from a number of outside sites linking in, enough so that her sister Landi was able to find this blog and send us an optimistic update on Marlene’s present condition about which I’m thrilled, check that post’s comments to get the latest — annnnnnnnd Yvonne Craig, BATGIRL!; all of whom are beginning to trend up the stats list with great and deserved speed. I look forward to what the next edition of “Giving the people what they want” will bring!

The very special Marlene Morrow/Marlene Pinckard/Persephone. Please, please read the account of how Paul Zollo found her with notebooks of poetry and an envelope holding her centerfold photo, living on the streets in L.A., and consider following the non-profit links which follow the write-up?

Finally: Quick note to the person who has found this blog by searching google three times in the space of the last two weeks — with “only assholes” in quotes so’s as to make maximal use of boolean exceptors — for the exact phrase “‘only assholes’ fall for me“: In case you ever come back a third time, I’d like to hope you hit this entry.

Vintage hottie Yvonne Craig has suited up!

First, you probably keep landing here because I frequently tag what I consider to be interesting graffiti with the words “only assholes write on walls” a la cult classic Rocky Horror. So I am sorry for the “only assholes” mix-up. But, more importantly, I am genuinely really sorry that you feel like only assholes fall for you and I wish I could make it better. I’m sorry that you’ve felt that way strongly enough to search the phrase three different times recently. I hope the next person you date is not an asshole. I hope that he or she is really nice to you — no, not just nice, because that is mealy-mouthed and hollow. That is a bullshit expression of my actual sentiment and is weak tea compared to the depth of my empathy, here. Okay:

I hope that that next person you date is genuinely amazing to you, like I pray that their very existence makes you believe in a loving God and you see the echo of your love for them in all the shapes of nature, and you don’t just love him or her but admire and value them, and that you curl your toes when you think of him or her even while driving and that they fill you with so much passion and love that you would kill tigers for them without a blink and you stay together until you die in each other’s arms after fantastic geriatric sex.

Scroll to bottom for caption.*

I hope that the grace of his or her presence in your life is like a lightning strike that inspires you forever after always to strive to be a better person, to laugh with surprise at an unexpected joke they make when you are having an argument, to give new ideas a thorough-think-through and peek behind closed doors; I hope in short that he or she deserves every drop of the deep well of love you were created to share and renews your faith in all the anonymous fellow upper primates all over our world with whom we must trek in our stewardship of this nutty mudhole in order to improve our karma and with every go ’round perfect our souls.

ByTim Weber and Sue Noble via environmental graffiti.

Good luck to you.

*Long caption to second to last shot: The dish ran away with the spoon but what can you do? They have opened a comic book store in the City and on rare nights off they like to order dim sum and watch TVLand; the comic shop is honestly not doing so well, their apartment is super-tiny, the bride’s mom won’t take their calls, their used car’s a/c is on the fritz, and they have never been happier.

Morning sunshine: Drew Barrymore has advice on control, mistakes, gratitude, and being yourself (naturally somewhat NSFW)

I learned at a really young age that you cannot control people or nature and how it evolves. It’s an impossible task, and you will drive yourself nuts trying to do it.

If you repeatedly make mistakes and don’t learn from them, then that’s a rocky path. But if you burn the shit out of yourself and then go, “O.K., that hurt, but I’ve got it now,” then you can go on.

The truth is, I know it can all fucking go away again in a heartbeat. That’s why I will always be grateful for every job I get. And about life, what do you do? Do you become a cloistered nun and not live your life because of the fear of what people might think or say?

That last one about not living your life because of fear of what people might say … that is touching a nerve. I need to think about that. Isn’t she just the best? Pure sunshine, I’m serious!

All quotes from “The Drew That Grew,” interview with Ingrid Sischy, Interview Magazine, May 1995.

Advice on friendship, feminine power, and finding your tribe: NSFW Drew Barrymore

“I also love to explore what defines who you are, and friendship, and how you love to rock out with your best friend and cruise and drive and listen to the Ramones and play air guitar, and yet at the same time, they will come and slap you when you’re acting out of line. I love the themes that I put on the poster: ‘Be your own hero’ and ‘Find your tribe.’ Those are two things that are really important in my life.” — (interview with the AV Club’s Sam Adams, October 1, 2009, for Whip It)

“I love empowering women, and I love women that are capable. The one thing that I’m not crazy about are women that feel like they have to be a man to live in a man’s world, or that men have the upper hand. These women have this bitter chip on their shoulder, and that’s not really sexy. I like girls who have got each other’s backs. …

… I don’t like cattiness, either. I hate seeing women be rude to each other. Oh God. I don’t like man-haters, and I don’t like back-stabbers. I like chicks who can fuckin’ rip it up, pull shit off, and want to go for a beer with each other at the end of the day!” — (“Whip It! interview with director Drew Barrymore,” Chris de Salvo, The Scorecard Review, September 30, 2009).

Advice: Beautiful and awesome Zooey Deschanel edition, totally SFW

“I love old music, old movies, screwball comedies, vintage clothes and basically I’m an old-fashioned gal!”

“Humor is a part of spirituality.”

“You can’t force fun, but you can set up situations where fun will happen to you.”

“I think the people who become the most famous aren’t necessarily these genetic products of the weird American beauty ideal. I mean, all those Playboy bunny types. They’re not filling seats in the theatre.”

Quotable and AWESOME but 100% safe for work? Say what! Hmm. Someone needs to talk to Drew Barrymore about the proper attire for a photoshoot.

Advice: Drew Barrymore NSFW again (what?! I know! crazy!)

Today some quickies from Drew on humility, being true to oneself, and having a good self-image.

“I definitely don’t think that I’m hot doo-doo. I don’t.”

“I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself.”

“There’s something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk.”

Today, I am trying to put together something spectacular for the Chili Cookoff that Paolo and Miss D are hosting tomorrow. Everyone is going to be there, and they’ve all snatched up the available sides: Miss D is doing cornbread and I think apple pie; Jonohs is of course on cheesecake duty (“legendary”); the LBC is making one of her amazing dips so she has that and chips nailed down already; Corinnette is bringing beverages; Geo, Paolo, and the Gentleman have all opted to enter top secret chili recipes; Jan-Han grabbed pasta salad right out from under my nose for which I do not begrudge her (like I am going to tell my oldest friend’s recently cancer-surviving mom who I adore that pasta salad is my signature dish, and I dare you to suggest I ought); I feel like all that’s left is brats and fancy sauces and rolls, but that feels super-unoriginal. If you have ideas, please throw them my way!

Meanwhile, as I get kind of shady and nervous about large social gatherings, I’ll be keeping the lovely and talented DB’s advice in mind today and work on inner peace. Today, inner peace: tomorrow, a chili cookoff. See, when I write it out like that, my goals are not only miniscule but almost embarassingly easy to achieve. Hurray!

Advice: NSFW Drew Barrymore Nth edition

“If you’re going to go through Hell, I suggest you come back learning something.” — the lovely and talented Drew Barrymore.

Guys, I love this woman. She is unicorn princesses and butterfly fairies and a giggle and a phat bowl like, just, all rolled in to one adorable, genuine package. Doesn’t it make you feel better just to know she’s out there somewhere, ordering a coffee and spreading sunshine all through some dour Starbucks or sparkling up the set of a talk show, making everyone smile?

“When I lay my head on the pillow at night I can say I was a decent person today. That’s when I feel beautiful.” — D.B.

Cheez-its, that is such an awesome thing to say off the cuff. What a force of love in the universe. We should all try to be such rays of light! I’m serious. Today I’m going to focus on being less cynical, downtrodden, and eye-rolling, and more upbeat, giggly, and Drew-y. Join me!

Advice: NSFW Drew Barrymore and more and more

Sk8 or die, y’all, and go see Whip It! Adorable Drew Barrymore would like it if you did, because it is her new movie, and she directed it and stuff like that. You do not say “no” to adorable Drew Barrymore. Do not make me laugh!

“I regard myself as bisexual. If you’re with a woman, it is like if you’re exploring your own body, only through someone else.” — Drew Barrymore, Vs magazine, AW09 issue.

Pretty sure that quote is actually all kinds of oversimplifying and in fact insulting to women who are legitimately attracted to other women and not just because hey-we-both-got-boobs-and-like-a-pussycat-I-am-a-pretty-little-narcissist. But you know what? I’m’a let it slide. Because Drew Barrymore said it.

“There are so many pressures that are put upon young women. Whatever we can do to alleviate that and help women feel beautiful about who we are inside, which is the only beauty there truly is, is so nice.” — Drew Barrymore

I swar to gar she is the sweetest thing to ever walk this planet. Not even kidding. Okay, last one for today:

“Let’s get down and dirty. Let’s be a real girl!” –Drew Barrymore.

You. are. the. boss.

NSFW Drew Barrymore: Pussy Magnet edition

Another nugget of what is beginning to be daily NSFW advice from the lovely and talented Drew Barrymore, pussy magnet.

“I don’t think that life happens by sitting back and waiting. People hold their cards so tight to their chest. Life is short. Tell people you love them. What’s the worst that’s going to happen?” –Drew Barrymore

Well, offhand, blithe young Miss Barrymore, I would answer that the worst that is going to happen is that they will not love you back.

But she’s got me there: is that the end of the world? Only if you let it be, I guess. I suppose there are two responses, should they not want you in return: you can either throw yourself off a cliff over it, metaphorically, or you can keep moving forward and waiting until someone falls into step beside you, and start the whole thing all over again.

So, thanks again, Drew! She is always surprising me.

Advice: Drew Barrymore NSFW Edition

Miss Drew Barrymore on keeping the faith:

“I’ve always said that one night, I’m going to find myself in some field somewhere, I’m standing on grass, and it’s raining, and I’m with the person I love, and I know I’m at the very point I’ve been dreaming of getting to.” –the beautiful and talented Drew Barrymore

Whatever is going on, it too shall pass. Pray for the night and the rain and the grass of your own with that special unknown someone, and keep that vision in your mind, and it will come before you know it. It has to.

Giving the people what they want: Inaugural edition feat. boob-gropin’ Megan Mullally

There has been nary even ONE SINGLE search for “Maggie Gyllenhaal” and “bdsm” on this blog (which I expected to see and find the lack frankly disappointing), but “boobs” and “Megan Mullally” tip the scales dramatically, even coming in ahead of “Asia Argento,” “gay batman,” and “Drew Barrymore.” So, heck, here you go, awesome internet party people: a little bit o’ Miss Megan Mullally lezzin’ out with Debra Messing a couple years back at an awards show:

And a quickie of just some topless Megs, cause she’s my fave from the sitcom Will and Grace, which I pretty much never watched so I guess it is pointless to say I have a favorite, but I will say whatever she did on that television thing, she is onstage a damned fine singer to boot.

Enjoy! Eskimo kisses to you all!

It happens: “Sometimes” inaugural edition feat. Miss Drew Barrymore in a robe

It happens: Sometimes, you need a couple of fags to cheer you up.

Unlikely G: Drew Barrymore NSFW edition

Turns out Miss Drew Barrymore is a total magnet for nude models.

Who knew? (my hand slowly raises…)

“So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, “Janis, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re lesbian.” I mean I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a lesbian.” –Regina George, life-ruiner, Mean Girls

Daily Batman: Enter the Riddler

It’s a good thing you have a buddy in this one, Bruce Wayne, because Edward Nymga and Sugar would like to take you on a strange trip.

BRUCE
Mr. Nygma, you'll forgive me for
being rude. But what exactly is on
your mind?

EDWARD
Precisely. What's on all our minds?
Brainwaves. The future of Wayne
Enterprises is Brainwaves!

It's hard to imagine anyone more awkward. The effect is
painful. Folks stare, mouths wide.

(Yes, the stage directions actually say “It’s hard to imagine anyone more awkward.” Akiva Goldsman screenplays ftw!)

And for the haters who say that Batman Forever is the worst movie out of the Batman franchise films, I encourage you to re-watch Batman and Robin and see if you don’t change your mind.