Flashback Friday — Self-audit (finally starting it up again) and Advice: FROM me ABOUT Zooey Deschanel, totally SFW!

This post originally appeared on Dec 2, 2009, at 9:57 PM.

Grand news. The parent-teacher conference went wonderfully!, beyond my wildest dreams!, and I think I may even have snowed kidlet’s teacher in to buying that I am an adult, an elaborate new con on which I’ve been working, whose growing success at the grocery, church, and among new acquaintances is beginning to perturb me and make me check for crow’s feet.

via zooeydeschanel.us

On the way back from picking up the kidlet and Special K from the park where they played while I was at the conference because I was busy conferencing on top secret conferencey shit, Katohs and I were discussing all things fantastic, adorable, unique, and vintage-ish, as we are wont to do, and she said, “I came to a point in my life where I realized I was never going to get to be Zooey Deschanel, and I was like, ‘What’s the point in going on?'”

via zooeydeschanel.us (again)

I replied, “But that’s okay. All we can do is try to inject a little Zooey into each day, like be inspired by her energy!” advancing one of my typical over-optimistic, all-god’s-chillun-got-hands, hippie-crazy-go-nuts solutions that often barely even mean anything in the final analysis. When I am up against a tough point in conversation with a friendoh who is downohs, I sometimes morph into Dharma from Dharma and Greg — cryptic comments about the universe and energy and destiny just fall out of my mouth. But I think, actually, this time I managed to string together some pretty good advice!

via zooeydeschanel.us (again)

I think we women often admire a quality in another woman and somehow, whether it is something ugly and atavistic, or something society has trained us to do that we can more easily shake off, we want that quality for ourselves instead of simply accepting with grace and admiration what a lucky thing it is that that other woman has the quality we like and how fortunate we have been to experience it. We are a covetous bunch, we ladies. “If I could sing like her; if I had hair like hers; if only I had her body; her style; her car or career or cake serving set…”

via zooeydeschanel.us (again)

“…then?” What? Your life would be perfect? Never! There has never been a perfect, easy, or charmed life in the history of EVER! We are wasting such chances with our jealousy and poisonous reaction to a standout quality in another gal, blinded by our instant avarice: when something sticks out in your mind about another woman, ignore the negative instinct and instead seize a vital opportunity to connect with a woman, as two people. We need all to work on this.

Lost credit, one of my zillion pics back before I was wise enough to source

We have to love each other first, because then loving ourselves will come next, and then when you have so much going on already, it’s only natural that the love of whatever man or woman strikes your fancy will follow! (See, if the whole admire-other-women-and-love-them-for-the-reflection-of-the-creator-in-them-that-is-also-in-you bit didn’t work, then hopefully the it-will-make-your-crush-crush-back bit will. I’m new-agey but also very sneaky!)

Lost credit, one of my zillion pics back before I was wise enough to source (again)

None of this is to say Katohs was jealous. She was expressing admiration for Zooey Deschanel. But I think it’s interesting that our culture has conditioned a young woman, especially even one as bright and categorically outstanding as Special K, to, when she sees a woman she admires and idolizes, even joke about wanting to be her, rather than just be able to be like her. Weird people we all are or have been made to be. I’m trying to change, personally. I’m hoping it’s something that can be a choice.

Lost credit, one of my zillion pics back before I was wise enough to source (again)

Other highlights: over lunch at Thai House, I introduced Katohs to the concept and history of “spoonerisms;” kidlet told me flatly that she was going to marry Jude Law, and, when she did, I would need to build her a house for them to live in (knowing Jude Law and the rumors I have heard of his skeeviness this is entirely possible and I guess I had better start saving); and Special K and I determined that it is mainly okay to slap a baby if the baby is really, really annoying.

via zooeydeschanel.net

No babies were slapped in the writing of this self-audit.

edit: So this is the promised Flashback Friday post that picks up the thread of thought in the 69 Days of Wonder Woman: Day 5 post. It’s all about rejecting the modern standard of cattiness and pointless avarice and trading them for cooperation and admiration. I mean, Jesus Christ, we are playing right in to the hands of the machine with this bullshit behavior, ladies. If you’re all bound up in bitching each other out, then you’re not paying attention to what’s going on around you, which means you’re not trying to change anything, which means everything can stay its shitty same self, which means the machine wins. Do you see? Revolution! — won’t you please help me do it up right?

June is bustin’ out all over — time to jump along with it

Today has gone about as I expected, but with weirdly more zen-like contentment and even restrained happiness.

The principal as much as said at the interview that she would have to go with the more experienced teacher to fill the position at the school where I’ve been working as an aide and substitute, no matter how she felt personally about me, due to parent demand for fully credentialed teachers, as I had anticipated. I assured her I understood that with the parents, it is always a delicate balance and I appreciated that she was in an awkward position. We agreed it was a shame that I can’t in good conscience take out a loan and pursue my credential until I have a job to finance that academic endeavor, and the promise of one in my own field is worth holding out for, but I can’t secure a position like that without proof I am at least beginning an effort to be in a credential program, which puts me in this awful Catch-22.

Brigitte Bardot photographed by Phillipe Halsman, 1951.

But overall it was a really positive, loving, and upbeat interview, and it accomplished my chief goal, which was to demonstrate the sincerity of my committment to the little community she has created at her school. She was really nice and spoke glowingly of things she hoped we would be able to do in the near future. She said frankly that she wanted me on her staff and that once this position was filled according to tradition and political appeasement, there would not be pretty much any competition for whatever new openings may arise next year. It was a good talk.

via Square America.

So. Happy thoughts. Great things happening in my life with these tutoring jobs for the Scamps and kidlet finishing up kindergarten tomorrow, plus my Katohs graduates high school tonight, and all in all I’ve got a million things to be thankful about and a new season in which to celebrate them. And I have decided — no more hiding and tossing in my sleep. No more anxiety and self-doubt constantly wracking me. No more tearing at my fingernails and spitting them out while my mind hashes through all the ways things can go wrong and obsesses over my bank account.

Audrey Hepburn photographed by Philippe Halsman, 1955.

Time to start leaping a little. Let’s do it!

Daily Batman: The refuge of identity

“Batmasks” by Wirrow on the flickr.

Expect to read so much more about this. I can think of like 8 different ways of illustrating some of the amazing points Mr. Schöpflin makes throughout this fascinating essay on assimilation of cultural identities in order to face a morally uncertain future and the ambiguities of morality in a closed system where we pretend it is not bounded and treat as sacrosanct the presupposed morality that sits at its taboo-ridden core, too, like I’d go first obviously with stills from The Dark Knight to illustrate boundaries of security and the agents of anarchy and how new identities must be constructed to counteract them and maintain the safety of the bounded identity, then some Star Wars classic trilogy (Han vs. Boba Fett as two sides of the outsider coin, Luke vs. Vader as defending assimilated symbolic identities), then A Fistful of Dollars, then Sanjuro … like … dag.

“Nanananana” by annbemoish on the deviantart.

But instead I will be in Arcata, kicking these ideas around in my brain while Katohs and I listen to likely pointless drivel about how motivated and enriched the lives of the students at CSU Humboldt are thanks to their four years on the campus. It is like, dudes, she already wants to go here and you have agreed that she should: just tell the girl where the bathrooms and the coffee are, let her find some hookups for less savory entertainments, put in some face time with her department folks, and send us on our way. We do not need the I’m-okay-you’re-okay, hugs-across-the-student-body, banana splits and chicanery. It is well-understood that she is the most supafly and okay-est cat in town. Duh.

But on the plus side — road trip with Special K! Off to google sushi restaurants in Santa Rosa (our lunchtime stopping goal).

Teevee Time: 30 Rock, “Black Light Attack!”

30 Rock, “Black Light Attack!” Season 4, Episode 10.

When Liz and Danny (Cheyenne Jackson) further their relationship, Jack becomes jealous and plans to break them apart. Meanwhile, Tracy recruits Sue (Sue Galloway) into his entourage, and Jenna auditions for a role on Gossip Girl. (the wiki)

Went to Alice this weekend with Special K, as I mentioned, and there was a trailer for the upcoming sequel to Tron. I’d heard about this before and was apprehensive, but this was my first time seeing any material from the new film.

Color me wrong. It looks amazing and I can’t wait. I know what I’m doing December 17th!

An idea whose time has come

I saw Alice in Wonderland last night with Special K in 3D, and, though we both agree that the 3D felt tacked on and in no way enhanced the look of the film (we think Disney saw how successful 3D was getting and crammed it down Burton’s throat so he did the bare minimum required to satisfy them while still maintaining his vision), it did remind me of this badassical photography project I had to share!

Bust out them red ‘n’ blues.

Breasts … in … stereoscope!*

*(Please read that in the “Pigs in Space” voice.)

Anaglyph images are used to provide a stereoscopic 3D effect, when viewed with 2 color glasses (each lens a chromatically opposite color, usually red and cyan). Images are made up of two color layers, superimposed, but offset with respect to each other to produce a depth effect. (the wiki)

This project, called 3DD, is something I saved on my computer before a crash. I lost all the credits. Someone please help, because I feel awful about losing my bookmark of the artist, and my google searches are just turning up useless nonsense about Lindsay Lohan (?) and digital porn.

Hey. Nice bongos.

Usually the main subject is in the center, while the foreground and background are shifted laterally in opposite directions. The picture contains two differently filtered colored images, one for each eye. (Ibid.)

When viewed through the “color coded” “anaglyph glasses”, they reveal an integrated stereoscopic image. The visual cortex of the brain fuses this into perception of a three dimensional scene or composition. (Ibid.)

Cool, yes?!

Final thought. Dig that jar in her hand in the above shot: “Kitchen Blend” of sprinkles. As though there are rooms or situations which would call for not only sprinkles, but a different blend altogether of sprinkles. Sprinkles appropriate to the locale. “Prison Yard Blend.” “Airport Bathroom Blend.” “Shallow Grave in the Wilderness Blend.” Don’t you hate it when you are digging a shallow grave in the wilderness and you realize you accidentally brought your Kitchen Blend of sprinkles? Like, Crap, this night just went in the toilet. Dang it — I brought the wrong sprinkles. Bummer City.

Advice: Special K on Cannibalism edition

Katohs shared a nugget she’d come across.

“Cannibal” by marewabisabi on deviantart.com

“Some people are spoiled. Don’t eat them.” (slogan by Lawrence Pernika on Threadless).

So true. Steer clear of the rotting fruits.

Self-audit (finally starting it up again) and Advice: FROM me ABOUT Zooey Deschanel, totally SFW!

Grand news. The parent-teacher conference went wonderfully!, beyond my wildest dreams!, and I think I may even have snowed kidlet’s teacher in to buying that I am an adult, an elaborate new con on which I’ve been working, whose growing success at the grocery, church, and among new acquaintances is beginning to perturb me and make me check for crow’s feet.

via zooeydeschanel.us

On the way back from picking up the kidlet and Special K from the park where they played while I was at the conference because I was busy conferencing on top secret conferencey shit, Katohs and I were discussing all things fantastic, adorable, unique, and vintage-ish, as we are wont to do, and she said, “I came to a point in my life where I realized I was never going to get to be Zooey Deschanel, and I was like, ‘What’s the point in going on?'”

via zooeydeschanel.us (again)

I replied, “But that’s okay. All we can do is try to inject a little Zooey into each day, like be inspired by her energy!” advancing one of my typical over-optimistic, all-god’s-chillun-got-hands, hippie-crazy-go-nuts solutions that often barely even mean anything in the final analysis. When I am up against a tough point in conversation with a friendoh who is downohs, I sometimes morph into Dharma from Dharma and Greg — cryptic comments about the universe and energy and destiny just fall out of my mouth. But I think, actually, this time I managed to string together some pretty good advice!

via zooeydeschanel.us (again)

I think we women often admire a quality in another woman and somehow, whether it is something ugly and atavistic, or something society has trained us to do that we can more easily shake off, we want that quality for ourselves instead of simply accepting with grace and admiration what a lucky thing it is that that other woman has the quality we like and how fortunate we have been to experience it. We are a covetous bunch, we ladies. “If I could sing like her; if I had hair like hers; if only I had her body; her style; her car or career or cake serving set…”

via zooeydeschanel.us (again)

“…then?” What? Your life would be perfect? Never! There has never been a perfect, easy, or charmed life in the history of EVER! We are wasting such chances with our jealousy and poisonous reaction to a standout quality in another gal, blinded by our instant avarice: when something sticks out in your mind about another woman, ignore the negative instinct and instead seize a vital opportunity to connect with a woman, as two people. We need all to work on this.

Lost credit, one of my zillion pics back before I was wise enough to source

We have to love each other first, because then loving ourselves will come next, and then when you have so much going on already, it’s only natural that the love of whatever man or woman strikes your fancy will follow! (See, if the whole admire-other-women-and-love-them-for-the-reflection-of-the-creator-in-them-that-is-also-in-you bit didn’t work, then hopefully the it-will-make-your-crush-crush-back bit will. I’m new-agey but also very sneaky!)

Lost credit, one of my zillion pics back before I was wise enough to source (again)

None of this is to say Katohs was jealous. She was expressing admiration for Zooey Deschanel. But I think it’s interesting that our culture has conditioned a young woman, especially even one as bright and categorically outstanding as Special K, to, when she sees a woman she admires and idolizes, even joke about wanting to be her, rather than just be able to be like her. Weird people we all are or have been made to be. I’m trying to change, personally. I’m hoping it’s something that can be a choice.

Lost credit, one of my zillion pics back before I was wise enough to source (again)

Other highlights: over lunch at Thai House, I introduced Katohs to the concept and history of “spoonerisms;” kidlet told me flatly that she was going to marry Jude Law, and, when she did, I would need to build her a house for them to live in (knowing Jude Law and the rumors I have heard of his skeeviness this is entirely possible and I guess I had better start saving); and Special K and I determined that it is mainly okay to slap a baby if the baby is really, really annoying.

via zooeydeschanel.net

No babies were slapped in the writing of this self-audit.

Wednesday: it is a thing

Crazy busy day for me, y’all. Taking yet another crack at DMV today with Gorgeous George, had to cancel on Grandma P cause kidlet is still croupy and I wager Grandma P is babysitting kidlet’s other father’s New and Improved Baby at least semi-regularly, and I’d hate her to get sick from kidlet and give it to the baby. So that part of the day is off but it’s still madness.

First DMV with Geo, then giving Miss D a holler for some late lunch as a team, then back home to dye Special K’s hair red so it’s faded to the right shade by Homecoming (I know I have mentioned it before, but I’m saying it again: she is nominated for Homecoming Queen because she is the most beautifulest and special girl on the planet!!).

Anyway, with all that chicanery to attend to, I’ll be out of the house most of the day, so I’m going to officially declare this day Wednesday Wednesday. Please enjoy!

Been spendin’ my day with Special K: bonus Beijing Restaurant review

Today, Special K sprung from school (last year before college auuugh!) at 1:05 and she and I had plans to go to Maisie’s Sushi, a newish place near downtown that I’ve been wanting to give another spin since the Gentleman and I went a few months back and found it to be, like, “on its way” but not “there” yet, if that jives. However, that plan fell through pretty much immediately as we were unaware that there is a special ordinance in Motown forbidding the operation of a sushi restaurant between 2:00 and 5:00 of a Friday afternoon. Did you know? We did not. We’re not certain, but it’s all we can conjecture given that literally every mothereffing sushi joint in the entire city was closed.

And here is the kicker: three of the some four or five we thought of and buzzed past still actually had their signs on and doors unlocked from lunch. We’d walk in and they’d shake their heads and ruefully claim they were closed. Really? Because there are literally people eating right there at that table. No lie, there were people looking at us with their mouths full of food as we were told no sushi for us. Total sass. Special K remarked as we left Soosh Gardino, “It’s no wonder that restaurants have the highest fail rate of all new businesses,” and we agreed actually being open is always the first step in increasing your customers.

Aye, Kathleen, I guess we will have to try again someday when they are serving the Irish.

So we were like, well, screw sushi then, apparently, and, partly because I wanted to take her somewhere new, partly because we weren’t too far from it, but mainly because Mr. Kite and I were talking about China and the recent 60th birthday of its form of communism, I took her to an old favorite, Beijing. The restaurant, not the city. She has been to the city of Beijing before and I wanted to take her someplace new, remember? You think I’m kidding but I’m not, my girl is a straight-up citizen of the world! I bought her a messenger bag to that exact effect, and put a long crinkly hot pink scarf with black music notes on it inside, because I am pretty sure it is bad luck to give someone an empty purse.

Beijing was just like I remembered: