Mean Girls Monday: You could try Sears

The sick thing is there was a store like that in my mall when I was a teenager but it was called “5,7,9.” Though I can attest it carried sizes lower than 5, as to the other end of the scale, if it carried over size 9, I was unaware of it. That’s bad enough but here’s the thing: I was lucky enough to be in kind of a Cindy Crawford, not Kate Moss, era.

I’m sure that if such a store still existed, changing ideal body types would dictate that it be called something like “1,3,5.” Well, what am I talking about; such things do exist of course: Forever 21 and the Bebe, yes? Blarg.

PSA: Collarbones are beautiful, but boobs are even better. Take it to the bank. SeaQuest out!

Movie Moment — Mean Girls Monday: Kälteen bars edition

The bizarre self-esteem and weight issues that the character of Regina evinces in this movie will be a recurring theme some other, better-researched day because, like the movie itself, those traits are satirically funny and cutting while still being devastatingly true, but today let’s focus on the great comedic timing of this specific Mean Girls movie moment.

Caps by me. Click to enlarge.

Talk nerdy to me: Mean Girls Monday — Harry Potter edition

Don’t say I never gave you anything, nerds. It’s an all Harry Potter edition of Mean Girls Monday, by way of introducing my confession about the final films.

The below series of subtitled screencaps is based on the scene in Mean Girls wherein Regina George is described by various frenemies, classmates, and instructors.

So. Last night, while watching the Lost drive-you-crazy-with-anticipation-before-the-finale special that aired before the Lost legitimate finale with Gorgeous George and the Great Dane, the subject of the upcoming two-part Harry Potter final films arose. The Great Dane theorized that the bulk of the script was just going to be the characters running and hiding in the forest — much like Lost with the jungle, as Geo pointed out which may have started the conversation, or the reverse … I had a lot on my mindgrapes so it’s tough to call.

I folded my arms and, bloated on pizza and keyed up with anxiety for Lost, said flatly: “Look. I don’t care what else happens. All I want to see is Mrs. Weasley open a can of whupass on that fucking bitch Bellatrix Lestrange.”

Geo and the Great Dane laughed at my announcement and I said seriously, “No. I’ve been waiting. I don’t need to see all the little cheesey denouement stuff. Like, seriously? Just Mrs. Weasley spanking that Goth bitch. All I need. I could pretty much just leave after that.”

I then mimicked throwing up a peace sign to a packed theater and added, “Allow me to save you the time, y’all — Harry lives. I’m out!”

See, I know I called you hardcore HP guys “nerds” back there, but I must admit: no one kills a Weasley twin and gets away with it. Not on my watch. Those dudes are crazy-hot. Um, redheaded twins? with magic powers? and, P.S., they basically run the fantasy equivalent of a comic shop? Winner, winner, chicken dinner! So I’m looking forward to seeing some hardcore death-avengeance: Mom-style. Mmm, cursey!

SeaQuest out!

Mean Girls Monday: Inaugural Edition feat. Gone With the Wind

Last week was a rough one, so I asked my husband to mail me some of the DVDs sitting around our house in Portland and he graciously did. One of them was Mean Girls (Mark Waters, 2001), a movie that I am not ashamed to call a guilty pleasure. Introducing … Mean Girls Monday! A maybe-weekly feature directly or indirectly referencing the film. Because I can.

First Edition. What if every movie were Mean Girls? As Picard would suggest, make it so. This is a wonderfully dorky meme that’s been floating around where people juxtapose lines from Mean Girls with screencaps from other flicks and I’m loving it. Thought I’d kick it off with a little classic Gone With the Wind (Victor Fleming, 1939).

(God, Vivien Leigh’s faces are so priceless. I’m planning an upcoming The Way They Were on Vivien and Laurence Olivier. Mad love for my Vivs for-evvvv-errr.)

This has been your first Mean Girls Monday!

Per mi amica: Panda Eraser 2nd ed.

Panda Eraser asked me if I was going to trivia at P. Wexford’s tonight, and I am full of weakage and do not know yet. The conversation we had put me in mind of this. Et tu, P.E.?:

Karen: I can’t go out. [cough] I’m sick.
Regina: Boo. You whore.
*click*

Classic. Us.

Unlikely G: Drew Barrymore NSFW edition

Turns out Miss Drew Barrymore is a total magnet for nude models.

Who knew? (my hand slowly raises…)

“So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, “Janis, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re lesbian.” I mean I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a lesbian.” –Regina George, life-ruiner, Mean Girls