Posts Tagged ‘secretary’

Take-Two Tuesday — Model Citizens and Movie Moment: A case of the Mondays cured

November 9, 2010

This post originally appeared on November 16, 2009 at 2:14 pm.

Got a case of the Mondays? Not me, because I pretty much do whatever I want, whenever I want. But in case you have somehow been enslaved by the System and are sneaking peeks from beneath fluorescent lights in some dreadful cubicle, here’s some Office Space quotes to snap you out of it, and some naked models too. You’re welcome!

Doutzen Kroes and Raquel Zimmerman, “Working Girls,” by Mario Testino for V magazine, Spring 2007.


Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that’s messed up.

Peter Gibbons: I don’t like my job, and I don’t think I’m going to go anymore.
Joanna: You’re just not going to go?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Won’t you get fired?
Peter Gibbons: I don’t know, but I really don’t like it. And I’m not going to go.
Joanna: So you’re going to quit?
Peter Gibbons: Nooo. Not really. Uh… I’m just gonna stop going.
Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and…
Peter Gibbons: You know, I’ve never really liked paying bills. I don’t think I’m going to do that, either.


Peter Gibbons: It’s not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It’s about all of us. I don’t know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don’t know, maybe it was just shock and it’s wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die – Michael, we don’t have a lot of time on this earth! We weren’t meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.
Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton’s music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael.


Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you’re not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, “Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays”?
Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.

Fuckin’…A.


Photograph by Ellen von Unwerth

Look. I understand financial obligations and suchlike, but please be sure to draw lines in the dirt declaring how much you let the world and its ways infringe on your personal happiness, and ask yourself what you would pay to be happier; if the amount is the difference between the wage you make at the miserable job you have and a lower-paying job that you would better enjoy, then jump!

And don’t forget to refuse to be normal at all times. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, chickpeas. Quit your job and go on tour.

edit: What I like about Flashback Friday and Take-Two Tuesday is that it gives me a chance to take a recent-reflective turn in this business of self-audit. This was written nearly a year ago. Do I still “pretty much do whatever I want, whenever I want?” Not really, but not in a depressing way and certainly when I do it is not in a rude or irresponsible way — but, examining that period carefully, I didn’t really much then either. Anyway I despised that job (professional plagiarism: I hated almost everything about it) and it tarred my soul. Substituting when I can and caring for my grandmother is infinitely more satisfying, fulfilling, and uplifting. And I am doing what I want, I think perhaps much better now than then. I like it.

Adorable Jeannie: PSA edition

December 8, 2009

PSA: Jeannie loves Master. Pass it on!

In this episode, adorable Jeannie has decided that she wants to be Tony’s secretary so they can spend more time together. He tells her to do this, she has to join the Air Force, thinking it will deter her. Naturally, it does not, because she loves him and is his devoted slave*. Whatcha workin’ on there, Jeannie? Studying hard?

Or hardly studying?

*She is his slave by choice, it must be noted: he freed her from the bottle and she chooses to stay with him. He in turn takes care of her; I think they have an absolutely wonderful relationship, but I’m all kinds of fucked up.

Anyway, I effing love this show ’til the end of time (I’ll get in to why I think it is better by far than that sterile slop Bewitched another day) and I believe Barbara Eden to be the most delightful, adorable, cuter-than-shit blonde gift from God to ever totally prove his existence, so look for plenty more Jeannie where this came from!

All stills from “G.I. Jeannie,” I Dream of Jeannie: Season 1, Episode 5. Original air date October 16, 1965.

Model Citizens and Movie Moment: A case of the Mondays cured

November 16, 2009

Got a case of the Mondays? Not me, because I pretty much do whatever I fucking want, when I want. But in case you have somehow been enslaved by the System and are sneaking peeks from beneath fluorescent lights in some dreadful cubicle, here’s some Office Space quotes to snap you out of it, and some naked models too. You’re welcome!

Doutzen Kroes and Raquel Zimmerman, “Working Girls,” by Mario Testino for V magazine, Spring 2007.


Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that’s messed up.

Peter Gibbons: I don’t like my job, and I don’t think I’m going to go anymore.
Joanna: You’re just not going to go?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Won’t you get fired?
Peter Gibbons: I don’t know, but I really don’t like it. And I’m not going to go.
Joanna: So you’re going to quit?
Peter Gibbons: Nooo. Not really. Uh… I’m just gonna stop going.
Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and…
Peter Gibbons: You know, I’ve never really liked paying bills. I don’t think I’m going to do that, either.


Peter Gibbons: It’s not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It’s about all of us. I don’t know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don’t know, maybe it was just shock and it’s wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die – Michael, we don’t have a lot of time on this earth! We weren’t meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.
Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton’s music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael.


Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you’re not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, “Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays”?
Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.

Fuckin’…A.


Photograph by Ellen von Unwerth

Look. I understand financial obligations and suchlike, but please be sure to draw lines in the dirt declaring how much you let the world and its ways infringe on your personal happiness, and ask yourself what you would pay to be happier; if the amount is the difference between the wage you make at the miserable job you have and a lower-paying job that you would better enjoy, then jump!

And don’t forget to refuse to be normal at all times. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, chickpeas. Quit your job and go on tour.

Quelle surprise.

October 6, 2009

I got another writing project. This one a) is legit-illegitimate, where I have to straightforward plagiarize and cannot delude myself the person needs the help or is using this as a model paper or some folklore, and b) has some whiff of the racysauce to boot. Double ooh!

Cheezits, I don’t even like being bad, this is me putting an upbeat face on it. Well…I can’t say the topic is the worst thing ever in my book, I admit.


Alternative Secretary poster design by Dawn Patrol on the IMP awards website.

So, yes, I came home from the SJ trip with Miss D and, after meeting up with Paolo at Chevy’s for some strategy and relaxation (gown is safe and sound in the actual town where the wedding will be, one less care on the list this week, thank god!), I got back to the ol’ compy and found I’d won a bid on a paper for which I’d forgotten even devising a quote. Got all those dogs in the fire, stanimal, I keep saying so, and a few other frankly distracting things swirling around me.

Quelle surprise: the topic is masochism. SS Funtimes, ahoy!

Secretary of State of Mind

September 9, 2009

Mr. Kite’s friend Brian and I just became imaginary friends on facebook (I am now imaginary facebook friends with the entire Trio: be jealous of my imaginary popularity) and I did that thing where you flip over to your new pal-oh’s profile to make sure there is not some detail of their life like jail time or a broken marriage that you have missed in conversations so that you do not inadvertently do something socially gafferiffic the next time you have a real actual live encounter like joke about the shocking divorce rate among convicts. In doing so, I noted that he had a recent status update about a favorite movie of mine, Secretary. Gobsmacked, I totally abandoned facebook and began what would become an hours-long reacquaintance with a thing that had used to resonate so strongly with me that apparently the repressed rides again.


It had been a while, a few years at least, since I’d watched it. Since before I met my husband at the minimum, I know that much. So that’s like five years, at least, I suppose. Four? Five? Whatever. Not the point, unless it is. It might be; I don’t know.

I found truckloads of screencaps from it and was rereading the script while following along in the screencaps because I have not updated my divx codecs in basically ever and can’t play DVDs even if I did go rent the movie, and I was not up to streaming or bittorrenting it and getting some kind of folkloric virus on top of my other shit today, so I figured I was doing the next best thing.
I found myself totally sobbing and deeply affected, even more than on prior viewings or, like, after-the-fact contemplation of the material. (Saying “like” distances me from the fact that I have indeedy thought at length about a film after watching it; it makes me sound less intelligent so that in case I am wrong it’s okay for you to correct me because what do I know? These are the sorts of things I was noticing about myself while reading and thinking today.)

“Mr. Grey…thank you so much for your helpful suggestions. Because I am trying to be the very best secretary that I can be for you.”

What I realized was that this is definitely one of those movies that is a movie about love done my way. It is actually pretty much exactly what. My kind of love, my kind of problems, my kind of change that is needed. I definitely have to buy this now, probably as soon as I pick my daughter up from school. I don’t know when I’d watch it. It’s a problem that a movie in which I see myself so nearly down to the last detail, recognize so many parts of myself, a film which I find wholly healing and uplifting in its tragic and touching way, is one I have to hide from my family: what does this mean. This means I must be ashamed of how I love. Yes? I think. All I know is that that’s wrong, somehow. Either I’m wrong or my shame is wrong. This is a problem.


“It’s your behavior.”
“What about my behavior?”
“It’s very bad.”