Daily Batman: Silent as a child’s prayer

Wanted: Santa Claus, Dead or Alive. Frank Miller and Denny O’Neill. DC Special Series #21. April 1980.

Aw. Baby’s first goddamn Batman story. The Dark Knight Returns didn’t come until six years later.

Daily Batman: Never forget

PSA: This arcade belongs to the fucking Batgirl!* And none of you cockmongering assmunchers best forget it. She will mess the shit of all you ne’er-do-well cuntnecks** the fuck up, but proper!!

Ohhh, DC. You and your “leaks” and “apologies” for/of cusswords. Your lust for sales will slay us all.

*Is that anything like “the goddamned Batman?” you wonder. Mmm. Not yet. But delicious, memey-riffic time will tell.

**What is a cunt neck? I don’t know, it just came to me as a good insult. Like it seems it is a comparison to the neck of someone plump and vital in youth but maybe now gone to seed that has become all wrinkly and fleshy and vag-y? It is an insult that I think invites understanding of repulsion and distinct un-sexiness. Not sure exactly. I just know I am being vulgar as all kinds of heck in this post and I am (clap-clap, criss-cross-gesture with hands) ALL DONE for the day! King-size cusses. So done. SeaQuest out!

Daily Batman: The Long Halloween — “St. Patrick’s Day”

Batman, The Long Halloween No. 6, “St. Patrick’s Day.”

Please note Dr. Isley’s hair is represented here by shamrocks instead of the customary ivy leaves. Erin-go-bragh, y’all!

If you are a mainly Nolanverse kind of guy, you might really enjoy the late 90’s Batman comic arc The Long Halloween, as the events of the arc unfold in the direct wake of series-re-energizing thriller Batman: Year One, which is where Nolan draws a lot of his grittier, more emotionally cordant material. The story is told via episodes centering around the holidays in every month of the year and it runs basically that a fledgling Batman, with the help of Catwoman, pursues a serial vandal and criminal known as the Holiday killer. Carmine Falcone (and daughter Sofia), Salvatore Maroni, the Joker, Dr. Jonathan Crane, the Riddler, Solomon Grundy, Poison Ivy, and many more also appear — even the Mad Hatter.

Jim Dandy to the rescue. That’s my Loo G.

Meanwhile, on the side of right, Jim Gordon and Harvey Dent (who is married to his wife Gilda, as there was NEVER ANY “RACHEL DAWES” in any of the comics, and also becomes Two-Face over the course of the arc in this version of his origin) are looking to prosecute Bruce Wayne as the Holiday killer, even bringing in Alfred Pennyworth to testify against him, while Selina Kyle labors to help Bruce’s enterprises stay afloat during the trial and keep the Wayne family name and reputation clean. Bruce convinces them of his innocence and suggests they strike a pact with the goddamned Batman to bring down the mob’s control of the city’s corrupt public enterprises.

Actually, I’m cheating; this is one of the final panels of the issue just before, No. 5, “Valentine’s Day,” revealing that Ivy has been following Bruce and Selina and plans to control Bruce to get at his monies for the mafia. This just proves you CANNOT trust vegans.

Sounding like all kinds of appealing and tantalizing plot strings? Heck, yes. Check the arc out. The Long Halloween: ask for it by name!