Daily Batman

Autumn.

October has always been my favorite month, but this year I’m finding it more problematic. This is my first Autumn away from my husband in years. When we lived in Oregon, we’d go for long drives in the hills with kidlet and I’d stare out the window. It was the only part of living there that I really connected with, the nature that lay outside the city. The sun would come through the clouds and light up all the wet grass and tree trunks this brilliant green and black, and the yellow leaves would sputter in the wind and sparkle like glitter when they caught the sun. Those Fall drives were some of the only times I felt like my life there was not a dream, like I might actually belong and be safe and be happy. Like it was going to be okay.

Tonight is kidlet’s school carnival. I’ll be painting faces. I need to focus on that. All month long I have had two goals: don’t spend too much time alone, and deal with what is directly in front of you, one thing at a time. I don’t plan to grimly plod my way through life with my eyes fixed only on the road a foot in front of my feet, I just think it’s the best and only way to survive this season, this year.

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