Archive for the ‘Milla Jovovich’ Category

Movie Moment — Breaking news, Three Musketeers, 2011, is in pre-pro!

July 31, 2010

At first I was totally dismayed and worried when I heard there’d been slated a new movie adaptation of The Three Musketeers because Dumas’ adventure books were such good friends to me for so many years (this clearly merits a re-read actually; it’s been too long). But then I saw that Paul W.S. Anderson was at the helm and my sphincter relaxed.


The lovely and talented Ms. Milla J.

Then I saw Milla Jovovich was in it — not because Anderson is her husband but because she is amazing and anyone who says otherwise can shut their piehole or I’ll shut it for them — and I did backflips. I’m going to dwell on this a lot until its release. For today, a quick look at the cast:


Lerman is on the left doing delightful jazz hands.

Logan Lerman (D’Artagnan) was most recently in the movie Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Two-bit Monkeyshines and the Missing Noxzema Pad as the titular Percy Jackson; the most surprising credit on his absolutely stacked resume is The Butterfly Effect. No one gives that movie enough credit. Pretend Hashton Euchre is someone else (as I have just done) and that movie is strikingly awesome. Anyway, I think this kid looks too young to play the dashing Gascon protagonist and I fear he was chosen to appeal to the tween demographic, which has even more worrisome ramifications because a faithful adaptation of the first book can only result in a PG-13 rating at best unless some Disney-style plot-monkeying has been done, but I look forward with cautious optimism to being proven wrong on all counts. Paul W.S. Anderson wouldn’t do me like that. We go back to Event Horizon, man: it’s us to the mortuary.


Wildly underrated darling Paul Dano. What a talent.

If I had been the casting director, D’Artagnan would be played by: Paul Dano or Emile Hirsch. Guys who’ve proven their chops in challenging, dramatic, serious roles (Little Miss Sunshine and Speed Racer, respectively) — just kidding, obviously in Hirsch’s case I am referring to the film adaptation of Into the Wild — and can handle the emotional demands of the part. Again, I would hope with all my heart that Logan Lerman proves me wrong. Good luck, kiddo: I really am pulling for you.


Very talented upcoming actor James Corden. Glad to see him cast in a big part, hope it is worthy of him.

James Corden will play D’Artagnan’s servant, Planchet. That he is billed up in the top 10 is weird to me, so they must have beefed up his part. The casting directors have gone the portly-servant-to-the-handsome-gentleman route with their choice, a trope so cliched as to almost be commedia dell’arte in its typecasting, but not quite that creative; just predictable. However, that is not the kid’s fault and I give James Corden props for having appeared on an episode of Dr. Who. I look forward to seeing what he brings to his perhaps-more-significant-than-normal portrayal of Planchet. (edit: Supafly Gordon Fraser has the skinny on the bigness of Mr. Corden; read all about his popularity in the UK in the comments — mystery solved to a satisfying and encouraging conclusion!)

I would have liked to have seen: a real skinny, fair, left-field, oddball hottie like Jesse Tyler Ferguson or Mike White.

Ray Stevenson is Porthos. He’s been working like a madman lately and clearly has the skillz to pay the billz, Big Budget Picture-wise: Cirque Du Freak, The Book of Eli, The Other Guys, and the forthcoming Thor are all recent credits — dude knows his way around an action flick, for sure. All in all, I approve. He is an Irish boy, so my hands are tied. It is a foregone conclusion that I will adore him. Porthos is the party guy of the Musketeers, so it’s also nice to see that Mr. Stevenson will get to play against type and not have to be strictly the big toughie, but get to enjoy a little wine, women, and song along with his usual dealing-out of ass-kickings.

My ideal casting: Donal Logue. Duh.

Matthew Macfayden has been cast as Athos. Most recently Mr. Macfayden played the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood, though his awesomest resume credit is from Grindhouse as “hatchet victim” in the Don’t segment. I wish I could put “hatchet victim” on my resume. Well, on reflection, I suppose not. “Hatchet survivor” is so much more optimistic. Macfayden’s most impressive credit is for the television special Nuremberg: Nazis on Trail, on which he served as the narrator for the episodes on Goering, Hess, and Speer. I admire that.

Athos is supposed to be the oldest of the group and kind of reserved, which works with Mr. Macfayden’s intelligent-but-pinchy face, like he worries a lot about things, but I’m concerned about him being too young and handsome to realistically portray Athos as older than this cast’s Porthos (above). Also, there’s the him-and-Milady thing. Milla is such a badass and so unthinkably beautiful and vital compared to his own type of fitness and vibe, that kind of sinewy, reedy runner build, so if they do any sexytimes flashback I’m concerned it will seem imbalanced. I’m afraid I have to glance askance at this casting and again just hope to be blown away when I see the movie.

I would have chosen: Clive Owen.

Luke Evans is set to portray Aramis, my favorite of the Musketeers. He is very multi-faceted as a character which makes him a satisfying companion to follow when you’re reading the adventures. Aramis is both bookish and restless; a dreamer who also plans; much more religious than the others but also given to double-dealing; patient in allowing his machinations to take shape but simultaneously governed by impulse and wild ambition, which he backs up with intricate, Machiavellian plots that generally succeed. He is somewhat the visionary of the group.

As far as face goes, Mr. Evans looks sensitive but smart enough to accurately portray Aramis, although I’d have preferred to see Cillian Murphy, who could have handled the breezy humor and abrupt mood shifts of Aramis’s temperament, and whose resume could use a famous-good-guy credit after turning in such impressively villainous performances in RedEye and the Nolan Batman films.

Then again, I prefer to see Cillian Murphy in just about anything. Mr. Evans is probably in due to being the sheriff’s henchman in Robin Hood and Apollo in Clash of the Titans, so he will be back in action with Mr. Macfayden. (Did the casting directors go directly to the sets for all these recruitments or is some incestuous, neopotic agency simply teeming with busy bees.)

In a perfect world: Cillian Murphy, as I have made abundantly clear.

Christoph Waltz has got the nod to play Cardinal Richelieu. You know him — Inglorious Basterds, a one mister Herr Landa? Guy spent the last twenty years working his ass off mainly on German TV and has totally earned his day in the sun. Good on him and I think he will bring an appropriately balanced Richelieu to the screen for maybe the first time ever: usually he is portrayed as a straightforward villain. Cardinal Richelieu is a more complex character than that — not as uniquely complex as Rochefort, who in the books eventually becomes friends with the Musketeers many years later, but still less one-dimensional than film adaptations traditionally demonstrate — and I hope for good things from Mr. Waltz.

I would have gone with: meh. I am happy with Christoph Waltz in this role. Richelieu is not the main or most intriguing villain of the piece and I like a capable, team player like Waltz in the part because I would hate to see him pull a Tim Curry-style upstaging of the next character on my list — Milady de Winter.


Milla for High Times, October 1994, related to her appearance in Linkletter’s Dazed and Confused.

Milla Jovovich plays Milady. Yes.

That’s all I have to say about the casting choice. Yes. Yes. I love her almost beyond expression, like admire her and genuinely wish good things for her despite having never met her but not in a crazy way, and I have seen all of her movies so many times over, particularly The Messenger: Joan of Arc — and now she is portraying one of my favorite characters from literature, my darling Milady de Winter? YES. Yes. I want to see this movie YESTERDAY.

I would have picked: OBVIOUSLY MILLA. She should just play all the parts and then go on tour with her live, one-man Three Musketeers and I will go to every show.

They’ve cast Mads Mikkelsen as the V.I.P. villain-cum-henchman Rochefort, seen most recently in Clash of the Titans (Draco) and Casino Royale (Le Cheffre). If this storyline is starting from the popular and most usual point for dramatic adaptations, when D’Artagnan first meets and joins forces with the Musketeers, then Rochefort is supposed to be memorably creepy and a figure of mystery for much of this film. His most overriding characteristic, besides his swordsmanship, is that as a character he is very, very recognizable. Mikkelsen looks great, but I’m not sure he will be creepy enough to believably carry such a stamp, if that makes sense? The very figure of Rochefort is supposed to inspire pervasive dread.

My choice: Crispin Glover, who must surely soon begin to enjoy a renaissance of mainstream key-playing work due to his successful reviews in Alice in Wonderland. He plays a good villain and some time under a sun lamp to gain a proper Gallic bronze would do him good anyway. Plus I think he is hot and I’ve always been a big fan.

Twinkle-Toes P. Banananose, the 4th, has been cast as the Duke of Buckingham. Anyone know anything about this guy? I couldn’t find anything at all on him. Seems he has no career whatsoever and is an utter nobody. What a shame. Moving on.

Alternate casting choice: ANYONE ELSE.

Lovely young Juno Temple (she knows what she has to do to get billed “and talented”) will play Queen Anne of Austria. She was most recently in Dirty Girl, a forthcoming bildungsroman epic of sorts with Milla in it, so I’ll know more about her as soon as it comes out, since, as I mentioned, I have sworn a blood oath of lifelong devotion to Milla Jovovich and would sooner pluck out my eyeballs and eat them than miss one of her movies — but, like I said, it’s not in a crazy way. Or anything. Ms. Temple seems a very young choice for a film that also has the Duke of Buckingham in the cast, because their affair is such a major plot point in the story of D’Artagnan and the Musketeers first collaborating to save the Queen’s honor and defeat Richelieu.


Prediction: the newest incarnation will not feature a Bryan Adams song.

Those who know only the Disney version will not be familiar with this twist — I know, how shocking that Disney whitewashed and played fast and loose with an adaptation of a literary classic; I am as surprised and chagrined as you are. What a terrible and uncharacteristic shock this is. Anyway, if the entanglement between Buckingham and Queen Anne starts now … and Twinkle-Toes P. Banananose, the 4th, is scripted to be pawing this poor kid on the screen … I’m going to be pretty skeeved out. I mean, I know she’s 21 and all, but … ew. He’s just so very ew. Showers are free — just go out in the rain, buddy.

My pick: Anne Hathaway. No brainer.

Final picture of Anne Hathaway for, you know … Science.

All in all, I can’t wait for a picture so close to my heart and directed by someone I trust to come out and I’m sorry but you must expect to hear plenty more about it.

Model Citizen: Milla Jovovich

December 17, 2009

Spark up the candles (or, you know, whatever you spark on birthdays) and get ready to sing a happy 34th go-round on this earth with lots of good wishes and eskimo kisses to the lovely and talented Milla Jovovich! One of my favorite Model Citizens, mothers, and all-around good-time gals. Keep on rocking in the free world, kiddo.


High Times, October 1994.

It’s your birthday; do what feels right!


lost credit please help

And we should really all say thank you to Milla for the memories. I mean, you do not even know how grateful I am for the huge folder on my computer, chock-full of amazing pictures of the girl. It took me ages to pick the right ones for this post.


by Ellen Von Unwerth for Vogue Italia, July 2009.

Besides screencaps from films like Dazed and Confused, the Fifth Element, Joan of Arc, and the Resident Evil flicks, I had to decide between photographs from devil-horned shoots with Ellen von Unwerth, topless shenanigans by David La Chapelle, that phatty spread in High Times, even … it was truly a challenge.


Paper magazine, 1994.

Man, this girl has given me some smiles over the years. Do your thing, chicken wing. Haters to the left! You keep on keepin’ on.


by the notorious EVU, 1997

Hot Man Bein’ Hot of the Day: Vincent Cassel

November 19, 2009

It has been way too long since we saw a hot man bein’ hot of the day around here. Vincent Cassel, take it away!

Brilliant oddball Vincent Cassel is married to a personal heroine, Monica Bellucci — ten years in August. Impressive! He is a director, actor, writer and musician. Generally he plays maniacs and bad guys (I love crazy).

He has said of his being typecast in tough guy parts, “It’s all right. I like playing baddies.” The first role in which I ever saw him was as Gilles de Rais in Luc Besson’s 1999 film The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, which for my Catholic, action-movie-loving, Milla-Jovovich-adoring money is one of the best freakin’ movies evah.

Some fun Vincent and Monica facts from the imdb:

  • Both have been the Master of Ceremonies at the Cannes film festival: Vincent in 2006, Monica in 2003.
  • For professional reasons, Vincent lives mostly in Paris while Monica Bellucci lives mostly in London. Despite this, they have appeared in the following films together: Sheitan (2006), Agents secrets (2004), Irréversible (2002), Le pacte des loups (2001), Méditerranées (1999), Le plaisir (et ses petits tracas) (1998), Compromis (1998), Dobermann (1997), Come mi vuoi (1997) and L’appartement (1996).
  • Some of Vincent’s english-language credits from which you might recognize him include Elizabeth, Ocean’s Twelve, Ocean’s Thirteen, Eastern Promises, and the forthcoming Darren Aronofsky picture Black Swan, which will also star Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Winona Ryder, and Barbara Hershey (freaking awesome).

    A musician among his other many talents, Vincent performed the song “Step Da Step Krugom” in Eastern Promises. He also appeared as the voice of Monsieur Hood and sang the gay, snappy little Merry Men number in Shrek — you know, the scene in the wood where Princess Fiona kicks their asses all Matrix style.

    Final shot featuring bonus heat from one Mister Viggo Mortensen (of course) from the set of Eastern Promises:

    Advice: NSFW Milla Jovovich Edition

    November 15, 2009

    I have a Model Citizen post on Milla planned, but it’s hard to choose from all my pictures and factoids. She’s so awesome. Quick advice from the lovely and talented Miss MJ on parent involvement in children’s media viewing habits:


    Photographed by David LaChapelle

    I think parents need to take a lot more responsibility than they do about whether it’s OK for their children to go to Resident Evil or any other movie with violence or sex or whatever. It’s really easy to blame Hollywood for violence having an effect on kids, but movies would have no power if parents would just set their own standards.

    I find this troubling because I took my daughter to Resident Evil: Apocalypse on its opening day. She was 5 months old and I wore her in a sling. She spent the whole time asleep. I think as long as I keep the kidlet away from this journal, that’s at least two steps in the right direction.

    Family coming over today, so I’m mainly outie for the rest of the day. Catch you later!

    Music Moment – “Zombie Killer” by Leslie and the LY’s

    November 11, 2009

    That last post got me hecka down for all kinds of reasons on which I am afraid to get totally clear, but all I know is, super-down. Leslie Hall, aka Mother Gem, always makes me feel better! Seems like the trend pendulum — oh my god, trendulum?! yes? feeling it?? let me know. — has swung in recent years from pirates to zombies and vampires, and might have recently begun edging back to the zed-word with the success of Zombieland. Here’s hoping it goes firmly back and stays.

    Pirates are over-entitled stealing rapists and vampires are not as hot as you think they are. Especially teenaged ones. Bleah. Like, you could not put two things together in which I could possibly have less interest than a lameass damned vampire and a frigging teenager in love. Maybe … maybe if it was a movie or book about economists who wear socks. Those are two other things that alternately bore and annoy me (economists are in it for the money and socks are for CHUMPS). Anyway, here’s Leslie and the girls, doin’ their thing Romero-style!



    i’m surprised to find
    the dead are walking around
    hell is full
    they’re back in action
    hungry for brains and
    they seek some satisfaction
    we must not fear
    what we do not guess
    acid rain or laser jets
    but good advice
    seek guns and/or hammers
    lots of wood
    and silky pajamas

    shoot them in the brains
    if you want to live
    shoot them in the brains
    even the little kids
    if you want to survive them eating your flesh
    i suggest you shoot them in the brains
    not as basic, like buffy,
    there can only be one
    you must gather your strength
    shooting them can be quite fun
    take note, they don’t run well
    and they’d rather be back
    in their homeland of hell
    the bloody ones shoot at first
    the smell alone ain’t worth the hurt
    nop drama here
    just straight up survival
    the damned are back
    so you can beat box your bible

    shoot them in the brains
    if you want to live
    shoot them in the brains
    even the little kids
    if you want to survive them eating your flesh
    i suggest you shoot them in the brains


    you zombie killer
    you zombie killer

    stuck together strangers
    forever united by the killers in the streets
    bloody and vicious
    our minds delicious
    never enough to eat
    bullets by the hundreds
    we aim for the heart
    but dot your shot right to the smart
    lets watch zombie heads explode
    shot pop lock and load

    shoot us in the brains
    even the little kids
    shoot us in the brains

    if you want to survive them eating your flesh
    i suggest you shoot them in the brains

    you zombie killer
    zombie killer

    Yes, I acknowledge that it’s probably a problem that, brought down emotionally by an indie quasi-quirky-romantic flick which delved into Feelings, I turned instantly to a genre of shoot-’em-up horror movie known for its brainless hordes. I’m working on it. How many times must I say this?

    Music Moment: Michael Bublé “Feeling Good” feat. va-voom orchestra and Bond girls! *with bonus NSFW Bridget Fonda because I can*

    October 25, 2009

    Michael Bublé – “Feeling Good” Official Music Video. Directed by Noble Jones. (Hot ladytimes begin at :36, for the impatient.)


    Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don’t you
    know
    Butterflies all havin’ fun you know what I mean
    Sleep in peace when day is done
    And this old world is a new world
    And a bold world
    For me

    Stars when you shine you know how I feel
    Scent of the pine you know how I feel
    Oh freedom is mine
    And I know how I feel

    It’s a new dawn
    It’s a new day
    It’s a new life
    For me
    And I’m feeling good

    Normally I am not the world’s biggest Michael Bublé guy, but this is a great cover of a song originally composed for the musical The Roar of the Greasepaint, the Smell of the Crowd and memorably recorded by special fave Nina Simone. That recording is especially great for me because they used it in 1993’s Point of No Return, remember, the action-thriller where Bridget Fonda played a cop-killing drug addict who is given the choice between the death penalty and being an assassin (happens all the time)? I most certainly do because it was the first thing I’d ever seen her in, and when I found out that on top of being a strawberry blonde with a rabbity grill and country grin à la Jodie Foster, she was also a freaking Fonda to boot, I kind of flipped out.

    But I’m much better now. You know, playing it cool.

    The movie is directed by Luc Besson, director of Nikita, The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, and The 5th Element all CRAMAZING films, and former husband of model citizen Milla Jovovich, and also features the lovely and talented Gabriel Byrne (I still ❤ Irish boys). It's a can't-miss. I'm not even kidding.

    Anyway, so love this song, which was the original purpose of this post. Add that fact to the video’s Bond-spy-mod-squad vibe, and I’m actually all kinds of into this!